In preparation for our January 9th event, the first of many free seminars, we want to do something a little fun. What if we were able to offer our services to a few fictional characters we have seen in movies? Granted, the movie wouldn’t have had the drama it did and it is that very drama that makes most movies enjoyable. But what if, what if we could have helped and how would we have done this? Imagine if Emperor Commodus was secure with his identity, or what if Fisher from 21 got out of his own ego and worked as a team? Yeah, we’re not sure what would’ve happened either, probably wouldn’t have made as good of a movie, but hey, sometimes these fictional characters exist in people we know. (Disclaimer: We are not saying every case is curable or that we are therapists since several characters were in need of some serious therapy sessions.) WARNING: Movie Spoilers Ahead.
Movie: Gladiator
Character: Emperor Commodus
Storyline: In short, Emperor Commodus smothers his father to death and takes over as ruler of Rome; he condemns Maximus to death for not giving him total loyalty. Maximus rises up through the gladiator ranks and outshines the Emperor of Rome. This provokes him to try numerous times to kill Maximus in the arena with no avail. Finally he decides to fight Maximus himself after stabbing the gladiator in the side with a shiv to give the Emperor the advantage. Still doesn’t work out for him as he is forced to taste that shiv for himself in one final fight.
Issue at hand: Where do we start? This guy is teaming with self-destructive habits and esteem. Chronic father issues aside, he falls victim to his own agenda and aspirations. He desires to be the greatest ruler of Rome and tries desperately to fill the shoes of his father. He constantly compares himself to other great men, unsure of his own identity, and disguises his quest to fill the void of genuine love in his life with the ambition of building a greater Rome and being loved in the eyes of the people. And that is just the surface or tip of the iceberg so to speak.
How Full 1mpact Address This: Let’s pretend for a moment that Commodus decides to get professional help for his lack of a father growing up and what issues rose to surface from that. Yeah. So how could we help?
Step 1: Help him identify the great qualities that are inside of him that he respects in other men. Doing this he begins to realize that he doesn’t have to fill someone else’s shoes or compare himself to another man. He can be his own man without an ambition. This will also show him he has no reason to be jealous of Maximus and he can be a true brother and friend or ally. This security would also help him in dealing with bureaucratic politicians who would otherwise look down upon him for his lack of knowledge or experience.
Step 2: Help him realize he doesn’t need everyone’s approval. By introducing him to the “Man Myths” series he’d understand that pleasing everyone is just as impossible as it is taxing on the spirit. It is also manipulative. Manipulative in what ways? The idea that, if he does something for people, that they should love him. That is buying love, or fishing for approval. None of it works and men often get trapped into this especially when trying to attract a woman. He would need to realize the great paradox, to put in motion things that would help Rome’s best interest in his opinion, but understand not everyone will approve or love him for it. And be comfortable with that rather than threatened.
Step 3: Though this ties into number two, it is still very relevant. And that is to help him begin to start loving himself in a non-narcissistic, but healthy, manner. This way he isn’t searching everywhere else for his needs. He’d begin to understand the core of whomever and whatever he wants to be is deep inside him first. Everything else will fall into line.
How will this all help him? The father issue is the big obvious, and that goes without question that if the issue isn’t resolved it’d be hard to get anywhere. Inside of that, he has two iconic men he is comparing himself to constantly and competing with. It’s kind of like an amateur boxer deciding he’s going to compete and go twelve rounds with Mike Tyson. That just never works out very well and you end up feeling jaded and tortured. (And very sore.)
By identifying his own core virtues that make him strong in his own identity he has no need to compare. He is solid with the belief he can be his own man and be iconic in his own way. In doing so he could very well restore many broken relationships he already has. With those relationships restored he could then understand and enjoy real love, not manufactured or manipulated love. Or even demanded love, as we see later on in the film as he begins to spiral more out of control.
Movie: Legends of the Fall
Character: Alfred Ludlow
Storyline: In Legends of the Fall we follow the Ludlow; The Colonel, three brothers, and Susanna, as they survive through seasons of trials of losing loved ones. Tristan tries to wrestle with his inner wildness as Alfred tries to wrestle with his own identity as well; all the while each of them misses their brother Samuel that they lost in WWI. All of the characters wrestle with love, historic battles, and seasons.
Issue At Hand: Alfred tries hard to be a people pleaser, at the same time win the hand of Susanna, whose heart is still with Tristan. Alfred blames and resents Tristan for Samuels’s death as well as Tristan’s success and popularity. He also resents that Tristan allows himself to abide by own rules and is loved regardless. Alfred goes on to pursue Susanna through persuasion and manipulation, blaming Tristan. At the same time he becomes a successful politician and lives near his mother where he believes he’ll be accepted more.
How does Full 1mpact address this?: This one isn’t as extensive as Mr. Commodus, and in fact is quite common. I would even say half of the men we’ve encountered have had trouble similar to that of Alfred here.
Step 1: Alfred is a people pleaser first and foremost. He even says it himself at Susanna’s funeral. “I followed all of the rules, man’s and God’s. And you, you followed none of them. And they all loved you more. Samuel, Father, and my… even my own wife.” So our job is to get him to identify that life isn’t so much about rules, or even “Everyone’s” rules. Again we have a guy who, out of insecurity, is comparing his love level to that of another man. “What am I doing wrong?” is often the question at hand. Tristan had to wrestle his own demons, while Alfred spent time pleasing everyone else which led to his work as a politician. We would show him that he cannot please everyone. He needs to make the choice to identify with his own demons, traits, skills, and character then go from there. Build up from the core and decide his own set of rules and follow those.
Step 2: Help him to understand he needs to take responsibility for himself, and his own actions. Yes, very basic, but nonetheless very profound. Like I said earlier, Alfred is a common scene in many guys, and so is the desire to pass responsibility. Alfred blames Tristan for Samuel’s death, for Susanna being alone, for breaking all the rules, and doesn’t take a moment to realize what it is he is doing to add to the poison. The Colonel, Alfred’s father, even says, “Samuel decided for himself to be a soldier, and soldiers are killed…” trying to get Alfred to understand it has nothing to do with the fact he is trying to pursue Tristan’s fiancé. He fails to understand that he made the choice to try and persuade Susanna to be with him. And that he himself became a people pleaser and manipulator. Taking responsibility takes the power back to you, saying, “I have the power to make choices, good or bad, and the power to own up to them.” Passing responsibility to someone else says, “They have the power to decide how much love I get, or who accepts me, or my path in life.” By passing the responsibility, one also passes on their own personal power.
Step 3: Teach him to attract a woman who loves him, not his brother. A major issue of resentment was his wife still very much was in love with Tristan, even though Tristan knew it would never work. The old Tristan died, and the new was born. She never got passed that. And despite that fact, Alfred still “persuades” her to marry him instead. He manipulates her by offering her security, but the issue remains. The issue is never addressed to the point where she realizes she cannot be happy without Tristan. (An issue within itself.) So she commits suicide. A man should never have to persuade or manipulate love. Had Alfred been his own man, comfortable and secure within himself and addressed his own personal demons in his own way, he could have found someone who’d compliment his character as he compliments hers. He’d be able to attract someone who loves him for who he is not his brother.
How will all of this help him?: Again he’d be secure in himself, and begin identifying his own demons to address rather than trying to place blame on his brother. And rather than be someone who fishes for acceptance he accepts himself and puts the former aside. Also, he’d understand more fully the dynamic of attraction between a man and a woman. Rather than being jaded because a woman isn’t solely attracted to a comfortable lifestyle, he’d be secure in knowing that he had the power to attract a woman himself rather than compare himself to another man.
Movie: The Holiday
Character: Jasper
Storyline: Ah, you didn’t think I’d go without a Christmassy movie this time of year did you? In the Holiday Iris is still in love with a guy who is marrying another woman, a man who has, in the past, used her and eventually told her that their love is like “a round peg in a square hole, it just doesn’t fit.” In order to get away from it all she swaps houses for the Holiday with a woman in California. Here she begins to see from afar that the “love” she had with Jasper was pure venom.
Issue at Hand: Though Jasper’s overall role in the film is pretty much a scant few scenes, his role is huge. He is a womanizer, but not just a womanizer; he likes to keep them on an emotional string. Interestingly enough, he knows perfectly how to bait the hook and cast it. He understands attraction, and he fully understands manipulation. And sadly, men like this rarely see themselves needing help from Full 1mpact when in fact they may need it the most.
How does Full 1mpact address this?: We’d begin by first seeing how willing Jasper would be to see what exactly he is creating with his actions. And also allow him to understand himself a little better and his “need” to control multiple women. By control we mean using manipulation tactics.
Step 1: Rather than calling him a womanizer and kicking his ass for his douchebag behavior, sometimes a more subtle approach is needed. And that is to get him to identify that his actions are harmful. I had a guy once ask, “Well what if I wasn’t married?” My question immediately was, “Do all of the women in your life know about one another, and if so, are they okay with this?” If the answer is no, then you, my friend are causing harm. You are being dishonest at someone else’s expense. It isn’t that Full 1mpact is all about monogamy, or against multiple relationships, so much as we are about honesty. Honesty fills the gaps. His actions are harmful in that when the truth is told, people are severely hurt. His actions are at another person’s expense. In the series, “Kill the Boy” that is typical “boy-behavior” in that his actions benefit him, and him alone.
Step 2: Help him understand he needs to make a choice. Either get married, or don’t. Either seals the deal, and commit to a life devoted to one woman, or if Jasper still feels he needs to live in the dating circuit, by all means, do so. But choose and commit to that choice. And not at the expense of other people. He’d be better respected if he could commit to a lifestyle, or commit to changing that lifestyle when the time is right rather than hook and bait women.
Step 3: Help him to identify his need to control and manipulate the emotions of women, and keep them on a string for when he thinks he needs them later. Pop Psychology would suggest this is a major mother issue at work here. Possibly, or any number of possibilities without fully knowing the entire backstory. But more than likely there is a deeper, more sinister work at hand. Probably a wound inside that he hasn’t faced or wrestled with. You see, though his actions seem light-hearted, “hey I just want to have some fun, be with some ladies, no harm, no foul here.” They are actually very aggressive towards women. His aggression is in the form of emotionally baiting women and dishonesty. Though we are not therapists here at Full 1mpact, we do have access to them and would suggest to him the need to see one. Otherwise he poses the possibility of damaging every relationship with women he is in.
How does all of this help him? Hopefully by identifying his “boy-behavior” he can begin to address new habits and actions and commit to who he wants to be without another person’s expense. The previous lifestyle of using women to manipulate creates such a state of inner turmoil and drama; he’d appreciate the peace of just “being” with someone. The freedom of allowing the cards to fall where they may is so liberating, especially to a relationship. Meaning, we allow the other person to be whoever they wish. Or be with, whomever they wish.
Movie: Magnolia
Character: Frank T.J. Mackey
Storyline: Two parallel and intercut stories dramatize men about to die: both are estranged from a grown child, both want to make contact, and neither child wants anything to do with dad. Earl Partridge’s son Frank is a charismatic misogynist; Jimmy Gator’s daughter is a cokehead and waif. A mild and caring nurse intercedes for Earl, reaching the son; a prayerful and upright beat cop meets the daughter, is attracted to her, and leads her toward a new calm. (Taken from IMDB since our explanation was too lengthy.)
Issues at hand: Let us move aside the easy, pop psychology, father and mother issues. Those two are obvious from the get-go and anyone who took basic human behavior or basic Psyche 101 can see that plain as day. So we move to his actions. He leads a men’s self-development program to help guys get women and be “better men.” Hmm…sound familiar? It’s obvious he has taken some profound pain and wreckage and compiled it into success in his own life. You see the wreckage in spat throughout the film, until the end when it pours over, still unresolved. Frank leads his followers down his own path in which he clearly brags about following what he preaches during an interview. But the poison appears that he is leading men out of defense with an, “Us against them,” attitude. He makes women the enemy, not a companion, through clear emotional manipulation techniques in order to gain control. Sound familiar? *coughJaspercough* He teaches other hurt men, who are seeking clear answers, to follow suite. In the industry of dating advice, pick-up artists, and men’s development this can sometimes show up. Rather than leading men through his past pain, he is leading them within it. Meaning, he leads them as a result of the pain in a defensive manner than puts men against women in an aggressive stage where you “tame” her. We could write an entire 20 page article on just this fictional character alone since there are a few like him. Yes, a few men’s help gurus who teach similar to Frank’s philosophies.
How does Full 1mpact address this?: This could pose a challenge for one main reason, and that is Frank sees himself as a leader of men. He puts himself out as a messiah in a way to men searching to have a level of success with women where they failed or were hurt in the past. Rather than showing them a path that benefits both parties, he serves only to fuel their wounds with aggressive, sociopathic, and manipulative motives. Frank believes he is right, and his followers feed that belief system. Full 1mpact would have to hit him where it hurts, and show him those wounds could heal. (After passing him a number to one of our many therapists.)
Step 1: We’d have to demonstrate first-hand the ability to attract women at no one’s expense. Show him, in the field that not only can it be done, but it can be done quite effectively. Also demonstrate to him that true masculinity is not threatened by true femininity. They complement one another. In order to show him this we’d allow him free consultation with one of our field experts to work with him. Considering he’d take any of our advice we’d have to show him we’re not a threat, as women are not a threat.
Step 2: Take him to The Man Myths 101 Boot Camp. Why? His ideas of masculinity shown on film suggest he’s adopted lies of true manhood and masculinity. To say the least, he’s even quoted his own “how to” chapter entitled, “How to fake like you are nice and caring.” The message here is telling men not to be either one. To pretend and put up a cardboard cut out of whom you want them to see you as. One of the myths is that men shouldn’t show emotion or be caring. There is a difference between being overly emotional and “too caring,” and being in touch with both. At the boot camp he’d be forced to address all of the above issues and consider them. He’d also be forced to compare his ideas of masculinity to what is real and what is myth.
Step 3: Work WITH his organization. Huh? Did I just write that? Why would Full 1mpact work with an organization that alienates and manipulates women? The character of Frank T.J. Mackey is a master at men’s emotions, not just women’s. He understands what motivates men, and how to push the pain button to get them in his seminars. And he already has masses of true believers. By side-saddling with him we’d agree to revamp his seminars considering he’d let us in. After steps one and two, he’d be questioning the authenticity of his organization and how to proceed further in a more positive direction. Imagine if he went public and apologized for his previous theories. His organization would double, with not only the support of men, but also women. Working with Full 1mpact would be win/win for both parties.
Movie: Just Friends
Character: Chris Brander
Storyline: Chris Brander has always been friends with Jamie Palamino, but now decides it is time to take his relationship to the next step. The problem is, is that Jamie still wants to be ‘Just Friends’. When he runs away and moves to L.A., he becomes an attractive music manager, who everyone wants. When he ends up back home, to his surprise, he encounters Jamie again, and sets out to be more than ‘Just Friends’ this time. Curtsey of IMDB
Issue at Hand: The friend-zone. Ah, yes the evil, inevitable, friend-zone that so many of us have encountered over the years. You buy her gifts, flowers, write her poems and give her free artwork, and yet…you’re friend-zoned. Why can’t a girl just love a guy for who he is, and why can’t a guy just wear his heart on his sleeve? Especially when you show her that you’re always there for her no matter what, and then show her you can give her whatever she needs? Well, we’re about to answer that question for you. But first, let’s identify that the Chris Brander we’re talking about in this film is prior to him leaving for Los Angeles.
How would Full 1mpact address this?: This is one of the most common issues men run into with a girl they like. We would show Chris how to create attraction by first creating his own boundaries. Then we’d follow up by showing him the difference between the good guy and the nice guy.
Step 1: Get him OUT of the “friend behavior set” as soon as possible. At the beginning of the film it is possibly too late for our friend Chris. He’s friend-zoned himself so solid he might as well go and get his nails done with her. Whether he is friend-zoned or not at this point is irrelevant since the skill set he would learn of identifying the zone would help him with future endeavors.
Step 2: Help him to understand the difference between identifying her great qualities and honoring her, as opposed to putting her on a pedestal. In the film, at the beginning you see him with what some would consider a shrine of her. That level of “devotion” puts unrealistic expectations on her, as well as him and sets him up for failure. (As he finds out in the film.) It is okay to see great qualities in a woman, but it is something else entirely to make her the center of your universe and source of your happiness. As romantic and poetic as it sounds, when you make someone the source of your happiness you objectify them and place an expectation on them to provide you that happiness. Whether you realize it or not. Happiness should always come from within, not without.
Step 3: Full 1mpact would set him up with the confidence package. Yes, that confidence is what we’d work on in order to help him stay out of the friend-zone. You see, if he had the level of confidence he needed, he’d take the risk of putting his neck out there and saying directly what his intentions are. Guys who friend-zone themselves take the easy way, or what they believe is the less painful route. With the belief they’ll sneak in through the back door and “show her” how caring they really are by “always being there,” often the only message they are relaying is, “I’m a great friend,” and nothing more. With confidence in his arsenal, Chris Brander would be able to not only deliver that message, but be able to follow through in the future.
I hope you enjoyed this as we pulled apart some of our favorite flicks with some serious, and hopefully some humorous musings with these fictional characters. We understand that without those characters, these stories just wouldn’t be the same and would never take away from the writer’s hard work in putting those stories together. If you want any information about Full 1mpact, seminar dates, or consultation information, please email us at full1mpact@yahoo.com or find us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Full1mpact . Thank you for taking your time out to read this and have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Year, we will see you on January 9th. –William M. Jeffries
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