Archive for paranormal

8 Guys Who Sabotage Attraction On Facebook: Part 2

Posted in attraction, charismatic, confidence, dating with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2013 by full1mpact

On Wednesday we started this little trip down Facebook lane. I promised you we’d finish Friday and I think we’re a few hours late but it’s still fresh press so it is all good. Enjoy the rest and feel free to share your thoughts.

The Armchair Critic

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Ah, the armchair critic.  This particular guy I have to be honest and admit I have fallen into this category multiple times.  Fortunately I have patient and kind friends who gently help me realize that perhaps I’m not the expert (In certain categories.) as much as I’d like to be.  I will never be the President of the United States.  Nor would I want to be.  Or the head coach for whatever college or professional team.  I wouldn’t want that job either.

We all know the Armchair Critic.  This is the guy who is so quick to criticize people who are actually trying to make a difference.  It may not be what they think is the best, but if you take bias opinions out, and the emotional pull of “being right” you are left with the notion that professionals have a lot of critics.  Most of which don’t have the talent to lace the shoes of the pros.

They litter your newsfeed with how awful a politician is.  And like the Debater never checks Snopes before posting disparaging “facts” about whatever horrible thing they’ve done now.  The Armchair politician, critic, coach…it doesn’t matter, he takes full advantage of having the luxury to never ever have to step up to the plate himself.

So what’s the issue?  We understand the need to vent from time to time of your frustrations of politics when they go awry.  Or to vent from time to time of the social injustices that we see spread across the headlines.  We get it.  The Armchair Critic takes it to whole new level.  Suddenly he knows all the in-betweens.  Criticizes people as though he’s been on the front lines himself.  And all of his online friends hear it daily.

And other than being a critic, one could ask what is being done about the issue?  One would think that’d be an important question to ask.  What are you, Armchair Critic, doing about your situation?  Where is your cause?  Remember in the last blog post we mentioned actually taking up a cause?  Yeah, doing something about an issue is way hotter.  Girls love guys who dive into their work.  Remember that old archetype of the hero saving people, and the girl of the story just digs it?   What if the people are your cause?   Jump in, take some hits, and go for it.  Or, sit and bitch about something that A) you have no control over.  B) Have no incentive to rise to the cause. C) Not even close to being an expert in.  Which do you think sounds more attractive?  We’ll let you do the math.

How do you fix this?  Understand, first, that each of us falls somewhat, if not entirely into these names listed.  Myself included.  Which is why it’s important to take a step back and look past the need for that second class payoff of human validation.  A wise friend once told me, “All politicians, priests, pastors, coaches, and professionals are either God or the Devil in the eyes of men.  Few fall in-between.  But once you understand that most people truly want to do their best, and we remove our bias, and understand they are more than likely doing their best; you can then see them for who they truly are.”  We could also add that in all truth, we couldn’t handle that job.  Truth be told, we should ask ourselves a lot of questions.  Like the ones I mentioned above, and ask yourself if you’re just finger pointing.  A good indicator is if you truly believe, for example, our country is in trouble because of them!  Whoever “them” might be.  Who was it who told me, “It takes two to tango.”  Something to consider for all of us.

Negative Neil

negative

Negative Neil is a combination of a few people here.  Btw, if your name is Neil, this is pure coincidence.  Unless you’re negative 95% of the time, then yes this is specifically about you.  Neil here is a combination of The Debater, the Dramateer, and the Armchair Critic.   But he simplifies.  Which is sorta good.  Sorta.

You see, in his eyes, the World is rubbish.  Everything is rubbish.  Life is rubbish.  Job is rubbish.  Family and marriage is rubbish.  And if you post something on your own wall, trying to be positive, he will come in with something to counter it.  Not just once in a while.  ALL THE TIME.   This is the guy who even his closest friends have to say, “Can you just chill out with the negative, we understand your life sucks right now.”

This guy is different than say, your friend who really did have Life take a big steaming load on him and had to vent a little.  Or vent for a few days for that matter.  Negative Neil vents all day long.  Every single day.  Sometimes even tries to be funny about it unsuccessfully.

negative jerk

So what’s the issue?  I learned VERY fast in the coaching business that people run from negativity.  That is, negativity from other people.  Sort of like the guy who hasn’t showered in ten weeks noticing the guy who hasn’t showered in five.  Again, in general, people run from negativity.  That level of consistency can wear a person out.  I remember a while back while dating this girl, everything that we talked about was negative.  Everything.  I went home feeling poisoned.  That was the last I saw her.

Most people can tolerate a good chunk of negativity.  But let’s say you go on a few dates, and everything that comes out of your mouth ends on a bad note.  It won’t be long before she moves on, if she hasn’t already in her own mind.  Sometimes they just want to be polite and let you down easy.

How do you fix this?  I know that it is sometimes very hard to stay positive.  And I know, times do get tough and it is even often impossible to do it all the time!  Monitor your words.  Have a friend repeat back to you what you said so you can hear for yourself.  Sometimes hearing it, how it sounds from someone else, helps us realize just how negative we can sound.  Do your best to live with your cup half full for a bit.  May feel awkward at first, and fake, but remember, not everyone knows what you’ve been through.  Use it to empower you, not bring yourself and others down.

The Pot Stirrer

pot stirrer2

This is a toxic combination of the Dramateer, Debater, and Negative Neil, with a side salad of the other names mentioned.  The Pot Stirrer lives off of the accelerated emotion of people arguing over the internet.  Often they post a controversial news link just to stir up the crowd, and then argue for the sake of keeping the argument going.

Aside from that, the Pot Stirrer plays chameleon.  They send messages to friends, about other friends so they can watch the events unfold.  Not always so careful about how discreet they are, they’re usually found out.

So what’s the issue?  A better question is, “What isn’t the issue?”  I find if someone is eager to speak toxicity about everyone else, you can wager they’re doing the same to you.  I always lose my trust in them.  As far as attraction is concerned, most people you want to date will run from this quality.  It is both distrusting and reeks of childishness.

How do you fix this?  If you find yourself, similar to the Dramateer, in the middle of toxic relationships, and can never seem to avoid them, there is a good chance you’re part of them.  It takes a hard look in the mirror to take a look at the situations and why you feel compelled to tell “Sam” what “Joe” said about him.  Then turn around and tell “Joe” what “Sam’s” response was.

One way to take care of this; if you have friends that you know are not getting along, then doesn’t talk about that friend.  It is as simple as refusing to take part in gossip.  If they want a message sent, then let them send the message themselves, in person.  People respect someone who refuses to be a part of the poison.

The Racist, Bigot, Sexist

racist bigot

I placed all three here because they all belong in the same boat really.  Each has their own flavor of ignorance, but isn’t put off by allowing those around them to experience it.  I have to bring them up because though they seem few and far between, each shows up from time to time.  And when they do, it is common they are left to their ignorance without any questions asked.

They leave slandering comments that put genders, races, groups, and “types” on a lower class level than themselves.  Justified by, “observation,” they get away with it as no one tells them otherwise.

So what’s the issue?  Where to start on this?  Let’s just get this out; that more needs to be done to bring awareness to this level of ignorance.  Majority of which is bred out of fear.  I’ve seen it against homosexuality, against religions, against women, and a multitude of races.  There really isn’t a quicker way to show the world your personal level of ignorance than to be blatantly blind to it.

As far as attraction is concerned, most people you will want to date will be sensitive to one or more areas.  Usually more.  And they will cut you off like a dead limb at the first racist, bigoted, or sexist comment.

sexist

How do you fix this?  A friend once encouraged me to seek out all forms of media.  Learn all sides of the coin, even the side it balances on.  Never assume that “truth” is the same as “fact.”  And more importantly, just because others may agree with you, that doesn’t mean you or your idea is right.  Be willing to unlearn unhealthy ideas about other cultures, peoples, and creeds.  Be willing to KNOW those people and learn.  You will learn more from doing that level of homework than a lifetime of ignorance.

And finally, to wrap them all up together, look in the mirror.  Though we encourage you not to be overcritical of yourself, and to be encouraging, we also encourage you to work on yourself.  Be willing to take those steps and know what you can and cannot control.  And be willing to let go of toxic or poisonous ideas.  Piece by piece, we can encourage and coach others to do the same.

William M. Jeffries

 

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Update: Comic Con and Next Week’s Seminar!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2013 by full1mpact

comicon

Hello, this is just a quick update about what is going on with Full 1mpact right now.  It is currently the season for Comic Con.  And we’ll be covering what we can for the short two days we’ll be there.  Usually we’re there for the full event but we have a lot to prepare for next week.

Just to fill you in, we’ve covered Comic Con before and given advice on everything from convention etiquette to enjoying your inner geek.  Which is what Comic Con is all about; enjoying that inner fun that you remember enjoying when you were a kid.  Embracing your inner hero, and riding off into the sunset when it is all said and done.  We hope to give you a good amount of pictures for those of you who couldn’t attend this year.

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So what is it we’re preparing for that is next week?  Kill the Boy II Series.  This series dives deep into the psyche and habits of both men and boys.  How boy-man/punk habits can be destructive and are the dividing line between boy behavior and true, mature,  masculinity.  This is what started Full 1mpact to begin with.  This is the meat and potatoes of who we are and what we are about.

If you missed Part I, we will catch you up in the beginning, but we still urge you to come nonetheless.  No matter what gender because what we are discussing is genuinely informative.  I often hear the objections from other males about going to a “men’s group,” and comments like, “Well I’m pretty good, I have my life well figured out,” or “Why do I need another man telling me how to live.”  Let’s be honest, quite often those are defensive objections to the stereotype idea that real men don’t need advice, direction, or coaching.

Everyone on staff here at Full 1mpact knows we will never know all there is to being the best we can be.  The great Sam Keen, even wrote in his book, “Fire in the Belly,”; “Any definition of who we are is too limiting.  I should approach myself like a country that will always contain unexplored wilderness and unfathomable seas.  Who am I?  More than I can ever know.”

Growing up I wish I had someone who could have properly showed me the ropes.  Later on when I began to open myself to the vast study of masculinity I began to see I bought a lot of lies.  And maybe still am.  But what if I could create an organization that is about unveiling the truth, no matter how scary or threatening it may seem.  Or no matter how much against the taught norms it may be.  A question I often teach others to ask themselves is this, “What if I believe a lie, about being a man, that is preventing me from a truer sense of self and lifestyle?  And would I want to know what it is if it were true?”  Many guys believe they can find it on their own by just going through life on autopilot.  I know I thought that.  And maybe a few can.  But I admit, I am always willing to know and learn more and willing to teach it to those hungry to be the best they can be at who they are.

The professional athletes have always known a secret that the average world cannot see the need for in everyday life.  We subconsciously separate the playing field believing that it does not apply to the arena or working life we are in.  But it is a lie.  And that secret is the knowledge you can use a mentor or coach.  A common saying we have in Full 1mpact, “Men embrace change and instruction, boys detest it.”  (Which seems to run true so far.)  But more on the mentorship aspect, from the words of Steve Siebold, who is one of the most successful business and professional coaches in the world.

hunkystevesiebold

The World Class is Coachable

Corporate America and entrepreneurs are starting to catch onto something athletes have always known:  if you want to maximize your potential in anything, hire a coach.  Coaching is to performance what leadership is to an organization.  Since human beings are primarily emotional creatures, competent coaches are experts at stoking the fires that burn within – assuming there is already (at least) a small flame.  Coaches can’t create the flame, but the good ones can turn a small flame into a blow torch.  World-class coaches won’t even accept a client if they fail to find a flame inside.  They know the flame is the prerequisite for greatness.  Average people will only accept the amount of coaching their egos will allow. Champions are well known for being the most open to the world-class coaching.  The bigger the champion, the more open-minded they are.  They great ones couldn’t care less about ego satisfaction when it comes to improving their results –all they’re looking for is an edge, no matter how slight.  Their logic behind this is simple:  when two champions go head to head, many times the only thing that favors the winner is a slight edge in thinking, strategy and technique.  All champions look for that one little advantage that great coaching can provide.  –177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class

And with that note!  I will see you next week as we explore the adventure of learning more about true masculinity.

Micah W. Larsen

5 Easy Ways to Change The World Around You In A Positive Way

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2013 by full1mpact

Full 1mpact, being advocates of change, have always encouraged finding new ways of changing the world around us in a positive way.  Some embrace change, others detest and fear it, and many sit on the sidelines and merely complain about it.  But I believe that many would like to impact others in a positive and cause positive change, but don’t know how or where to start.

What if you could do one thing a day, every day, for the rest of your life to cause positive change in the world closest to you?  What would that life look like?  And what if that habit caught on to others?  Sometimes we buy the idea that being a voice, or a champion, is this large and grandioso event when really it is being faithful to the smaller things.  And when you put those smaller things together they make a much larger picture that impacts the worlds around you.  What if you could change your world?  What would it look like?  And where would you start?

Well, perhaps you could start here first.

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1.        Light Up One Person’s Day, Every Day:

A while back I had posted a question, asking, “If you could light up one person’s day, every day; a different person a day, what kind of life would that be like?”  Those were my exact words.  I was asking myself as much as everyone else.  I wanted to see for myself.  And guess what, it’s easier than you might think.

Many will make excuses as to why they can’t or how difficult it might be without thinking out of the box just for a moment long enough to see that it isn’t that hard.  Let me show you just how easy it can be.  On my Facebook account I have over 400 friends.  More friends than there are days of the year.  The majority, if not all of them, I know and more than an acquaintance basis.  How hard would it be to write a kind, thoughtful, note to a different person a day?  Or say you don’t have that many friends, write to one or more of them several times a year perhaps.  Or write a handwritten note of appreciation to a co-worker.  From that area of thought, what about sending a card to someone randomly just to say you had them in mind.  Birthday cards are loved by all, btw.  For guys this isn’t always popular, but it is well received.  Keep that in mind.

Before an excuse makes its way through, I want to add that it takes less than five minutes.  I know because I’ve been doing this for a year now.  One person a day, every day.   That note can make a huge difference in the outcome of someone’s day.  Even if it isn’t epic, it’s still thoughtful and appreciated.  Steve Siebold, in his 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class book writes about how champions understand the power of praise and use it lavishly.  Not over the top, not in a way that is supposed to flatter, but fairly and with heart.

You may be the one person that reaches out to someone who didn’t even know they needed it.  You’re not doing this for praise; you’re doing this because you can.  Because you have the power to change someone’s day.  Use it lavishly.

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2.       Give:

Give money, time, baked goods, groceries, piano lessons, whatever you want, to someone in need.  And give selflessly with no need of a “thank you.”  Donate to a charity you believe in.  But donate effectively.  Donate in way that changes lives.  Example; There are several walks or short marathons that help needy people.

If you go on a cancer walk, you get to see survivors and hear stories of people you could possibly help.  If you go to a Make a Wish event you get to meet kids who, in many cases, have a better grip on their own mortality than most adults.  You get to meet them, and by simply giving a small amount of your time walking you are changing a life.

Donate blood to blood bank and save a life.  Doesn’t take much time and someone may need it later.  Or how about donating groceries to a local food bank or needy family you know.  Many of you reading this attend a church, synagogue, or temple, and I have yet to walk into any of those who don’t have a family who attends that could use groceries.

Heart shapped rock

3.       Random Acts of Kindness:

This concept can sometimes come across very vague.  But there are a lot of ways to accomplish the random acts of kindness.  I know many people who have elderly neighbors who need yard work done, so they go over and mow their lawn or trim their bushes for free.  For those who live in hard winter states you can scoop their walkways.

Sure it may take a bit of time, but the gratitude they will have is immeasurable.   But there are other ways too.  Helping a neighbor move even if they didn’t ask.  Volunteering yourself for something without being asked to do it.  If you see someone’s car out of commission you can stop and see if there is a way you can help.

One of the ways I enact this is easy and sort of leads into number four on this list.  I often go to restaurants where the server is extraordinarily good.  They don’t have to be superhuman good; they just have to be pretty good.  And on the receipt where I have to sign and give a tip; I will often write a quick note about how well they did.  (And tip a bit more than the average person because I understand that working in a serving environment is not easy.)  For those of you who serve, or have served in the past, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Little notes, offering to help, randomly taking a friend out to eat, giving your time to someone in need; are all examples of ways you can show kindness.  You may not always get thanked, but that is okay.  That’s not why you’re doing it.  You’re doing it to change the world nearest to you.

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4.       Praise the Help:

In number three I mentioned how I’d write a note on a server’s receipt with praise about their work.  That’s just one example.  At a local theme park I often strike a quick conversation with the workers and tell them how grateful I am that they work there, because without them the park couldn’t run.  They don’t hear that enough.  I guarantee you.  Tell them how polite they are, or how they’re one of the most cheerful of the help.  Whatever the case may be, simply tell them with a smile.  You will make their day.

Taking this a step further, tell their boss.  One habit I really enjoy is finding a really good worker and asking for their immediate manager.  They always look concerned.  (19 out of 20 times they are getting a complaint.)  I’ll point out the worker and say, “That person over there, I have a report on them…” or something to that extent.  Now the manager really looks concerned.  And I’ll remain very serious, but genuine, and say, “They are probably one of the best workers you have.  You’d be a fool to let them go.”  Then watch as their demeanor changes.  Watch as they smile and go to the worker to praise them as well.  Sometimes in front of the other staff.

Most of the time in the corporate setting the majority of feedback a worker gets is criticism with tiny, tiny, tiny tidbits of praise.  So miniscule that the criticism is where the focus is.  Your public recognition of their hard work will make a difference.  All too often we simply want our food and only pay attention if the service is bad.  Try paying attention to when the service is good and see what results you get!

On two occasions, that I’m aware of, at a local restaurant I enjoy frequenting, I’ve seen staff that was really good at what they did promoted shortly after the public praise.  Was I a direct result of that?  I don’t know, but whatever the case, it probably helped.

Harry Gordon Selfridge, who started the Selfridge’s department stores in England, thought it was so important to lead staff rather than boss staff even wrote about it in his book, “The Romance of Commerce.”  This was written in 1918, when employment laws were much worse than they are today.  Few felt the need to praise the help, especially employers.  Why would they?  They were employees, why would they need any recognition for just doing their job?  Mr.  Selfridge thought differently and was known for publicly and loudly praising staff on a job well done.  He wrote in his book, “A boss drives his men, a leader coaches them; a boss depends on authority, a leader on goodwill; a boss knows how it is done, a leader shows how.”  He goes on to show the difference and the importance of recognition.   It’s easy.

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5.       Be Present and Listen:

Sometimes the only thing a friend needs is your presence.  Words will matter little, and advice will matter even less.  I cannot tell level of gratitude I had when life had kicked me to the curb and a friend made it known that they were there for me.  They didn’t give advice, they didn’t try to steer or control the situation, and they just listened.  Because really that is all I needed.

On the other side, I have had times where I just needed the presence of a friend, but instead got a lecture.  Often the lecturer knew as little about the topic, trouble, or situation, as I did.  But were eager to give ill-informed advice nonetheless.  To be on the receiving end isn’t fun, but because you’re friends you also do not want to burst their often self-righteous bubble.  Their intention is good, but the delivery is something to be desired.

Being present is a bit of an art form.  To be present is to allow your spirit to connect to theirs by empathizing to the nature of the drama, so to speak.  Empathizing to their spirit, their pain or wound, and not offering advice.  Simply listening, allowing yourself to walk through the course, concerned, but strong because you are there.  By exploring this walk you learn as much about your spirit as you do theirs, often.

There have been a number of times, eager to give advice; I know I had overstepped my bounds by trying to be a mouthpiece, rather than just being present.  However, the times I’ve stopped, listened, learned, and reached out, I learned as much about myself as I did them.  I prevented myself from judging and simply allowed myself to learn.  To seek the words I was hearing and pull them deep.  Perhaps see if I too had a similar wound.  And if not, to try and allow myself to feel what it must be like.

When I was much younger and went camping with my grandparents, I would often sit in the campgrounds with my grandfather on lawn chairs, watching nature.  Not a word would be spoken, but the presence of one another was enough to be meaningful beyond normal understanding.  It was as though watching the trees, birds, and river flow, allowed us to grow spiritually like nature itself.  Those moments, watching the Sun dive beneath the evergreens in the mountains and hearing the river murmur to the trees, are like gold.  In recent years I try hard to be that presence to friends who need it or family who needs it.

All of these examples are just simple ways of changing the world near you.  I’m sure many of you could find hundreds of other examples, these are just my favorite.  There are numerous ways to change the world to a more positive way, but you have to start somewhere.  Rather than expressing an armchair opinion on an over-opinionated forum, stand up and begin doing something about it.  One day, you’ll look back and be grateful you did.  And those nearest to you will be richer for it.

–William M Jeffries

Geek Attraction: Convention Etiquette

Posted in attraction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2013 by full1mpact

This past weekend I spent three days at the Anaheim Wondercon.  Think of it as a popular art convention run by the same people who put on the infamous Comic Con every year.  Sort of like Comic Con’s baby sister.  Lately I’ve been trying to see what other conventions are in the Southern California area besides Comic Con as alternatives and also to scope out possibilities as a professional entity in future conventions.  With all said and done, at the end of the day, I am a fairly well rounded geek.

Wonder Con

Wonder Con

Wolverine showed up.

Wolverine showed up.

R2's friend.

R2’s friend.

For instance, I still believe in heroes.  I have undying faith that good always triumphs evil, in both the real world, and the made up worlds.  I have loved everything about Batman since the ripe age of four.  When the first Tim Burton Batman movie came out with Michael Keaton as Batman, I was in heaven.  And I can go on and on and on about different genre’s I love and just how much I’ll obsess over just about anything I love.  When I say obsess, I am not talking “strong like” or even love…I mean I obsess.  I will lose sleep, do hours of research, and mess up both my diet and sleeping schedule.  I’ve had research affect my job performance in the past because I would get insomnia due to the fact my brain won’t stop obsessing.  This brings me to the main part of this particular article.

Last year I wrote an article about Comic Con, bringing out the inner geek, and really enjoying the things of your childhood heroes, villains, and good vs. evil.  All of which I fully support and believe today.  I want to add another element to our audience that fully identifies with the geek side of life, and fully relishes it.  I want to give some tips to help these guys with the female aspect of going to conventions.  Many of whom have all but given up trying because they, like myself, believed the lies and myths about attracting a girl, or dating.

This last week we started the infamous Attraction Series, at our Full 1mpact© seminar, so along those same notes I’m going to give four tips based on observations I’ve made since I started going to Comic Con about fourteen years ago.  These will give you an edge over the alleged competition, and help with your self-confidence.  When diving into the world of guys, and what drives us, you begin to see things from a different angle.  While analyzing yourself, you also project that to others and often see yourself in the similar mistakes being made.  This goes for everything in life really.

1.  Hygiene:  Hygiene is everything.  I cannot believe I even have to write about this because most see this as common sense.  I honestly feel I need to write a book about it because I am, to this day, astounded because of the fact many, many, guys DO NOT GET IT.  Especially in a venue with lots of people.  First, let’s talk showers.  Shower people.  Wear deodorant.  If you’re at a convention setting, and your room is nearby, you may even want to shower twice.  I interviewed hundreds of women on what they find attractive about men, one of those things was, “Men who smell amazing are sexy.”  Smell amazing.  Shower.

Along those same lines I see guys wear the same shirt and pants for several days in a row.  Don’t.  Change…your..clothes…please.  Bring appropriate attire to last the week.  Underwear included.  Hell, bring enough for two weeks to be safe.  So let’s say you did shower, unless your sweat ridden shirt did too, change it for the next day.  Women try to be polite to guys, despite lack of hygiene, but when you smell like sewage any attention you get from a girl is a bonus gesture of being polite.

Next, fingernails, toenails, ear and nose hair, all need to get under control.  Women see that and ask themselves, “My God, how close will that get to me?”  You may not think of it as a big deal.  You are also not a woman who looks at a guy’s ability to take care of himself as a reflection of how much we may or may not care about a relationship.  By the way, if you don’t pay special attention to the area of hygiene, don’t even move on to the next points, because you’ve just shot yourself in the foot…while running from zombies.

2.  Don’t Stalk or Ogle the Cosplayers/Models Please:  At every one of these are attractive girls who put a lot of effort and others not so much effort, into their costumes.  Many are wearing little more than a thong and they are very attractive.  I get it.  We’re men; our eyes go to where there is something we’re attracted to.  That being said, that isn’t a license to stand there like a mouth breather in front of a meat market like you’ve been starving your whole life.  One of the things we teach in the attraction series is to stand out, and steer away from the normal guy crowd.

Don't stalk her.  She'll cut you.

They surely put in a lot of hard work in their gear.

They surely put in a lot of hard work in their gear.

Don’t stalk her. She’ll cut you.

One way to do that is by not standing, staring, and taking millions of pics like the others guys unless you’re truly a Cosplay fan.  If her outfit looks like it was bought at the local lingerie shop, and she put little effort into it, but she has twenty guys snapping pics, it’s not because they’re Cosplay fans.  You can, however, enjoy the view, appreciate the beauty, and then move on.  You can even approach her and say something like, “Nice evening wear,” in a cheeky sort of way without being a total creep if you move on.  This brings me to the part where I say….

Do not stalk.  You see, many guys, (and I’ve been guilty of this in the past), interpret an attractive girl talking to them as equal attraction.  Meaning, they believe that if she talks to me, then they must be attracted to me too.  Therefore they will follow her around the arena, convention hall, or auditorium like a lost puppy.  I’ve seen this first hand at every single convention I’ve been at.  Every single one and usually many, many, times at each one I will witness this.  Each time the girl is usually very polite, but her patience is quickly being diminished.  Learn the art of mutual conversation and how to communicate attraction to a girl.  It’s very important.  Also understand that if she seems impatient it has nothing to do with YOU.  More than likely she’s been ogled, stalked, and over-talked to by a hundred other guys.  So don’t be offended when she isn’t interested in your lightsaber replica by Sideshow Collectibles.

3.  Embrace the Inner Geek:  Many guys see a beautiful girl, even at said conventions, and try so very hard to hide that part of themselves.  I’ve even seen guys bury their friends by trying to make their friend seem “more geeky” in front of a girl just so they stand out.  (This is taboo in my attraction series; write us to find out why.)  What you seem to forget is they’re there too!  There must be some reason they’re there!  One of my clients I told, “Be the coolest, most obsessed, and most amazing geek in that genre than any other.”  Not only embrace it, go the extra mile.  I always encourage my clients to become part of the giving, not the consuming.  Most fellow geeks have amazing creative abilities. Get in there, and be the best at what it is you do.  Then do the counterintuitive thing, which is my next point.

4.  Talk About Interesting Things, (But not yourself):  Let’s say you approach that attractive Cosplay girl and get talking about something.  You might be a very interesting person.  In fact, you may even be in the comic book or entertainment industry.  But if you sit there and qualify yourself by bla bla’ing about how awesome you are, you won’t come across as awesome at all.  Remember the zombie analogy I used earlier?  That’s what you’ll be doing.  Chances are if she’s in cosplay, that’s what she loves.  The character she’s dressed as; she loves that character a lot.  Or any girl, anywhere there probably loves whatever she’s hanging around.  The Walking Dead booth, or the WB booth, or any other genre that is there.  Wherever she is, she probably likes it.  Any convention probably has hundreds of interesting topics to talk about other than you.

When talking about interesting things, it is best to be detailed.  For instance, you can tease her, (in a cheeky way) about how she’s a bigger nerd than she’s letting on.  Then using the power of sweeping assumptions make a comment about how she lives with her parents and she has forced them to use the spare room for the Twilight memorabilia, (Or whatever she’s in to or even not into.)  This can lead to some fun rapport and you’re not over qualifying yourself or constantly telling her how awesome her costume is.  (Which she’s heard from fifty thousand other guys.)

Sugar Rush! Help her win the race and she'll be yours forever.

Sugar Rush! Help her win the race and she’ll be yours forever.

These might just be the basics, but those four tips will give you a huge lead over the majority of guys at those conventions.  I’m not kidding when I say it seems as though many guys just give up.  They give up on hygiene, manners, and even respect for themselves.  I’ve even seen guys who could have had great potential but talked themselves out of talking to that one attractive girl there.  You have nothing to lose.  And if I could give one last piece of advice, just have fun.  Have the time of your life and who cares if Catwoman number thirty didn’t seem to dig you, there’s still Poison Ivy or Supergirl!  (Considering you’ve followed steps 1 through 4.)There are many more girls and many more opportunities.  Just don’t let them get in the way of your passion for the Walking Dead.  With that said, I hope to see some of you at the next conventions.  Be sure to shower first.  Until then, enjoy some pics from this convention and a few others.

R2-D2.  The true hero behind Star Wars.

R2-D2. The true hero behind Star Wars.

Wall-E/

Wall-E/

CM-Punk smiles?

CM-Punk smiles?

Oblivion prop.

Oblivion prop.

DC Comics, pretty darn cool.

DC Comics, pretty darn cool.

The Empire always shows up.

The Empire always shows up.

Why Attraction?

Posted in attraction, dating with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2013 by full1mpact

In one week from today we will be opening the doors to the Attraction Series set of seminars free to the public.  A lot of questions have been emailed to us about what the attraction series is about, and who is the demographic we’re trying to reach.  Hopefully this will clear some questions and at the same time entice you to want to join us on the 27th.  At the same time shed some light on where we’re coming from.

I don’t know about you, but I use Facebook as my own personal testing ground and psychological study base from time to time when it comes to understanding behaviors and belief systems.  A wise man once told me you can figure out people very quickly by just listening to what they have to say long enough.  On the same note, a wise woman told me you can also pinpoint their place of hurt, or struggle even in the most tongue-in-cheek jests if you listen close enough.

I monitor everything from funny memes to political memes, slanderous ones, and memes people post from sheer emotion; forgetting to check snopes or other myth-busting sites.  The posts that get my attention are the relationship based ones.  I have seen guys post their cynical rants based on the fact they cannot keep a relationship longer than three months, and therefore women are to blame.  I have seen posts from the “sensitive nice guy” who can’t understand why girls always leave him because he’s the nice guy they always wanted.  Or the guy who becomes jaded because he targets women who don’t want a monogamous relationship, therefore the expectations don’t match up.  And the ones from the guys who don’t understand why girls tell him “they just want to be friends,” and he ends up in the “friendzone.”  (By the way, usually when a girl says she just wants to be friends, she usually means she doesn’t even want that.  FYI.)  Where to begin?

When Full 1mpact started the Man Myths© series a few years back we had the philosophy that true masculinity starts from within, rather than without.  And the same goes for true attraction.  However, it is a great paradox in the fact that you might have some great inner dialogue, great charisma, and pretty good confidence; but your decision to not shower often or take care of your teeth will turn girls running for the hills faster than a cheetah in pursuit.  So it works both ways, but we try to start with the inward approach.  This monitoring, listening, reading, researching, brought me to the conclusion that there is a need.  A need to reach out and help those to either improve upon what they already know, or teach what their fathers never taught them.  Every guy has the deep desire to be attractive to those around him.  But when the skills aren’t there, or there is a core belief system rooted in half-truths, it turns into puffing one’s chest or parading around like a peacock for attention.  That works about five percent of the time and I’m being generous here.

In the Man Myths we discussed that there are three areas that all masculinity lies within.  Material, which is cars, houses, money, objects, and things.  Physical, this is the physical body of a man, the body language, and the physical condition of the man.  And finally the internal, spiritual, which is the inward thoughts, spirit, attitude, and inner mechanisms of a man.  All ideas, false or not, lie within those boundaries.  Interestingly enough so do the laws of attraction when it comes to being attractive.  For the inward battle so is the outward reward in many cases.

The Attraction series goes into why each category is important, and how to utilize each to our advantage to help you attract in a way that suites you.  Some of which, may also invade your comfort zone if you’re used to not putting forth much effort.  We approach everything from attitude, body language, and appearance, to appropriate subjects to talk about, what not to talk about, and even Facebook etiquette.  Facebook etiquette?  Huh?  Who needs that right?  Your profile picture alone might be a deterrent.

So who is this seminar aimed for again?   All men who wish to improve.  I was taught if you’re not growing, you’re failing.  If you stand still too long, you will actually find yourself moved backwards in the future.  This is for married men, single men, men with a partner, without a partner…all men.  Why?  Because regardless of whether it is the basic level knowledge or the more advanced series ideas, the same applies to everyone.  I had a married man tell me, “I already attracted my wife, what more do I need to know.”  Simple.  The things you did to attract her, you must continue to do, and even improve upon and change it up a little.  It applies to everyone.

On one more note, I had a gentleman a long time ago tell me, he always enjoyed my material but he already had a girlfriend so he figured what we had to teach didn’t apply to him.  He enjoyed it; he even encouraged other guys about much of the material.  One evening I got a call his girlfriend dumped him.  She told him, “I love you, and you’re a nice guy, it’s me, I just need to move on and find myself.”  He asked me what that means, how can he get her back.  I said, “Do you want to know the translation?”  He nodded, and I replied, “She is saying the relationship got too comfortable, boring, and predictable and has lost its spark, there is little chance in hell I’m coming back.”

He asked why she just hadn’t told him.  I said she probably had, and probably many times, you either never paid attention or figured it was just something that wasn’t that important.  Or she has sailed that boat and moved on.  Her saying it was her, not him, was a polite way of saying, “This ship has sailed.”  He eventually got over it, and began to look inward as many guys do.  He began practicing techniques and ideas to improve his overall lifestyle.  In time he too, found someone new.  The point is this series applies to everyone.  And for the guys who believe they have it all figured out, I’ll tell you what a great mentor told me, “Everyone should have a mentor, all of the time.”

 

~William M. Jeffries

Crossroads

Posted in charismatic, dating, inspirational, mentorship with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2013 by full1mpact

 

I want you to think about a time in your life where you were faced with some very hard choices.  Maybe they were challenges.  Maybe it was what school to go to, what job to get into, or where to move.  Maybe it was a life changing choice like marriage, moving away, or deciding on something you knew, deep in your heart of hearts, it was something you had to do.  No matter what.

Now I want you to think about the choice you made.  Maybe you were happy with the outcome, and then again, maybe not.  Or maybe you followed what you felt was the smartest or safest route, but yet it wasn’t quite how you wanted it to be or how you pictured it.  Think back also, to the people who supported you and maybe a few that didn’t.  I imagine by now you already have a surge of subtle emotion about these experiences.  That’s good because it tells me you still have a heart.  And whether or not you feel great about the choices you’ve made or not, there is a chance to make the most of it.

Fifteen years ago I’d make a choice that would change my life and how I perceive everything forever.  I had the support of only about a handful of people.  One of which is like a brother to me to this very day.  I had people that I loved dearly tell me the choice was not intelligent and I should consider a more menial choice of a life of work.  And though many acted as though they were in support, I’ve always been able to pick out the pretenders.  Their sentences always ended with, “But if you don’t make it…” or, “I wouldn’t make that choice but you have to do what you have to do.” And the list goes on.  I was terrified.  But despite the adversity, a fire welled inside my heart that I couldn’t betray.  I knew if I let this opportunity slip, I’d die inside in a way that I’d never be able to recover from.

In short, I made a leap of faith, and though the first couple of years were rough, it was well worth it.  When I look back at that young kid, who had no idea what the fire would be like, I smile; glad he has no idea what will happen.  Because if he did, he might lose faith and he might never know what true courage is.  He may never find out what it is to take the journey to true manhood either.  As great as all of that may sound, it is still very humbling because none of it could have been done without the support of a few.  There was help along the way.  Most of it was unexpected.

Earlier I had asked you to look back for an instance at the choices you’ve made in your life.  The reason is because I hear many crossroads stories talking to the men I’ve interviewed.  I’ve heard stories of both triumph and regret coming from people who’ve run into those choices in their lives.  So what does all of this have to do with Reinvention?  Everything.  Reinvention is part of change, it is a choice, and it is a path in your journey.

Reinvention to me is taking the courage go down a path of change and exploration.  A path of complete uncertainty, but filled with great reward.  I had a guy I was consulting a while back who told me if his fears of changing things about himself he was dissatisfied with.  One main fear was the fear of hardship.  I told him, “Hardship comes regardless of the path you take.  Hardship is a part of life at times.  So choose your path and let the hardships come, at this point you then have the advantage of knowing you’re on your path rather than being on the path of mediocrity and still having to deal with hardships.”  Choose the fire in your heart.  Here are three quick tools that help in the process.

  1.  Keep the dream alive: Whatever you do, never let your dream die.  Even if it’s a tiny cinder, it can be reignited into a pillar of light for all to see.  There are many who’ll try to douse the flame.  Whether it’s because deep inside they see it is a threat to their own choices of mediocrity, or because they don’t understand, or they’re just trying to look out for you from their own understanding.  It doesn’t matter.  Keep your dream alive.  Only you know if it’s real.

 

  1. Envision the Outcome:   Picture, in your heart and in your mind what the overall picture of your dream is.  What you look like both inside and out.  What your dream looks like.  And keep that picture with you everywhere you go.  Focus on it and never settle for anything but that outcome.  You may ask yourself, “how will I get there,” or, “I don’t know what to do to get the ball rolling.”  It’s not your job to put it all together right away.  It’s your job to do step three, below.

 

  1. Take the First Step:  Martin Luther King Jr. is quoted as saying, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”  This is key to any change.  Take the first step in faith.  It could be researching a career, finding ways to change a bad habit; it could be opening you up to new ideas.  Whatever it is, it’ll reveal itself to you and you have to simply take one step.

 

Next Wednesday we’ll be going over more steps and specific tools you can use in whatever journey you’re taking in this life.  We’ll discuss ways of getting through and around the common wall of adversity.  I firmly believe that dreams are conceived in the womb of the heart, but born in the fires of adversity.   Join us as we take a close look at these ideas and inspire one another to dream big.  One last note I want to leave you with.  This is a video clip of Rocky telling his son how it is.  One of the greatest father to son speeches in my honest opinion.  With that, I challenge you to dream big and step big my friends.

 

William M. Jeffries

The Man Myths (c) Misdirection

Posted in arrogance, attraction, confidence, dating, friend zone, inspirational, men's health with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2013 by full1mpact

 

Years ago when deciding to be a part of Full 1mpact, I envisioned a place where guys could be a part of something where they could grow in a stable environment.  I saw a place that teaches everything from health and sexuality, to true masculinity.  In that vision was a group that decided we would not be fooled by pop-media, nor would we bow down to broken belief systems that are harmful to everyone.  That choice was spawned by my own journey through myths, lies, and half-truths that pepper a boy’s growing up experience.

In that journey I had to literally swim through information and misinformation from one study group to another or from one men’s guru, to another.  But this has never stopped.  Every bit of information I find, I keep.  Good or bad.  The reason is simple; I want to help where I needed help during my life span.  That vision I mentioned?  Yeah, the one where guys learn about real masculinity?  We can’t teach that if we don’t understand or haven’t experienced the triumphs or failures ourselves.  Recently we’ve been going through the Man Myths curriculum, in doing so we’ve had to once again swim through the video guru’s and leaders to find some gold.  In doing so, I’ve stumbled across a myriad of misinformation.  It is no wonder boys have such a misunderstanding as to the steps to manhood.

I going to write about three recent videos I came across while exploring the net on men’s leaders, guru’s, teachers, mentors, etc.  I am not going to mention their name, business, name of company or ministry.  This isn’t to slander them as an individual.  This is also not to do a comparison of us to them.  This is simply to point out some teachings I came across that I believe are damaging.  I believe most of these guys are earnest in their teachings and really believe they are helping.  I also don’t want to give them anymore web traffic than needed if I can help it.  I’m writing this to give an alternate viewpoint.

Video Guru #1:

In the search for helping guys create that spark of attraction with women I had to dig through endless amounts of material form world renown pickup artists to attraction gurus.  Most are misunderstood in the nature of their teachings, but many are just trying to help guys with absolutely rubbish dating skills.  They teach guys who just have no idea where to start but would really like to be with a girl.  Thus bringing me, Guru 1.

The main teachings:  Guru 1 has a huge reputation in the pickup artist community and has even had several reality shows to back up his skills.  He teaches guys scripted techniques on how to talk to women to create the attraction.  Just as important he also teaches perfect body language to project to a girl to create attraction and uses sociological and psychological techniques that have been long considered controversial, despite how effective those techniques might be.  His shtick is that the scripts work and has even had boot camp contests for men, where the guy who picks up a girl fastest with his scripted techniques wins a trip to his mansion and other prizes.

The Issue:  I have read cover to cover, most of this man’s books.  He comes from a place of fierce female rejection and humiliation at a young age when he just wanted to be with a beautiful girl.  So he tries to spare men that same pain.  The issue at hand is that it’s scripted.  I’m not talking pick-up lines or lame jokes, I am talking about well thought out and planned scripts with body language and everything.  As though you are an actor in a movie.  And that is the problem.

Men are taught that this is all they need to know.  Many master the techniques and do very well with the ladies.  There are also blogs about where to go after you’ve gotten her home a few times.  How then do you develop an actual relationship?  You see, the script only teaches you how to create a cardboard cutout of a man, display it, and hope the girl doesn’t see behind it.

As a teacher he hasn’t taught the guys internal steps to great character, how to treat a woman for long-term romance, or how to communicate that direction if that is where your interest is.  In a recent article sex expert, Timaree Schmit, posted; “When Can We Bang?” http://sexwithtimaree.com/2013/01/30/when-can-we-bang/  she covers the importance of a pure line of communication.  Something we’ve also stressed at Full 1mpact.  There is nothing wrong with honest communications about your intentions.

On a side note, as I said previously, I have read this man’s material.  I believe for guys who are just starting to test the waters in talking to beautiful, attractive, women, this is a good way to get their feet wet and actually obtain some confidence to try talking to women using these techniques.  Sort of like a starter kit.  But for guys who want deep game, this shouldn’t by any means be permanent.  Let’s move on.

 

Video Guru #2:

The main teachings:  He believes too many men put women on a pedestal.  (I agree.)  However he also refers to a woman’s attitude when disagreeing with your attempts of “attraction” as a “bitch attitude” and warns against it.  Like Guru 1, he teaches forms of body language that is linked to the sub-conscious and therefore comes across as much stronger and more persuasive, if not purely manipulative.  He often refers to women in derogatory form and is applauded by his audience.

He does side courses on confidence, but it is usually peppered with what I call “comparison confidence” where your confidence is derived from something inferior about someone else.  In his main teaching he makes these three claims:  1. He can get you laid faster than any other teaching guru.  2.  The women won’t know what to do about you. (This I actually agree, but from the sheer shock of offense spewed their way.)  3.  You will learn to be a true Alpha-Male.

The Issue:  Where do I begin?  Guru 2 also comes from a background of deep seeded rejection stemming all the way from his mother, he admits in a video interview from 2004.   His teachings dive straight into the fountain of misogynistic fortitude.  Though he deeply believes he is helping young men get “laid the easy way,” he is constantly teaching from a platform of “Us against Them.”  He constantly degrades women and hints at Rape Culture with his subconsciously persuasive “touch” body language where he has taught that an innocent pat on the butt is okay if it’s done correctly.  Where I come from that can be considered sexual assault.

Putting anyone, (Women, Men, a specific race) in a place of “lesser than you,” helps no one.  It stems from lack of understanding, and reaps destructive relationships.  It also promotes the mistreatment of women and men you see lesser than yourself.  To me, that is bullying and is not an okay attribute.

Guru 2’s Alpha Male Club teachings; A true man never has to compare or prove himself to anyone but himself.  And a supposed “alpha” never has to belittle other men as a way of making themselves as higher status.  There is little I find helpful about Guru 2’s teachings.  The majority is offensive and comes across really manipulative.

Video Guru #3:

The Main Teachings:  This gentleman is a teacher who often teaches in men’s seminars on helping boys become men and does a fairly decent job of pointing out boy behavior that continues into adulthood.  He also identifies the struggle with modern time’s inability to distinctly identify real manhood or masculinity.  Often uses the media as an example of how marketing targets young men in their ads.  “Real men buy this,” or “Real men want this thing,” and then young men go out and buy those very objects in hoping to be “real men.”

He goes into detail about how real men skip adolescents and understand 5 basic sociological changes that move them straight into adulthood.   Guru 3 also teachings men on becoming givers, and not takers and those real men don’t need to acquire large school debts or credit card debts buying toys.  He then calls people out for enabling a long list of unattractive boy behavior.  And those people are mothers, sisters, and girlfriends to these boys.  Because they’re enabling and allowing this behavior.

The Issue:  Though I find myself agreeing on the behavior aspect of his teachings and also the increasing inability of guys to identify what it takes to be a real man, I am afraid that Guru 3 speaks in half-truths.  Though he successfully labels the five major sociological changes boys have made over the centuries that helped step them into manhood, it is taught as, “Do these five things, and you will be a man.” It comes across as though it is just that simple.  But it isn’t that simple, especially when the majority of masculinity stems from the internal, not the external.

When he teaches on boy behaviors that carry into adulthood, he uses a tactic I refer to as shame teaching.  This is a tactic used where you make fun of the people doing the undesired behavior, usually in your audience, explain the undesired scenario, and teach it in a way that shames the people that may have done said behavior.  I’ve seen this style in the corporate world, I’ve seen in done by my own teachers, my peers in middle school when I didn’t go out for a sport, and I’ve done it myself to others.  It is relatively ineffective, and doesn’t give the steps a person needs to improve if they lack the skills or tools.

He preaches on to say men should know their vocation and just go into it without acquiring school debt.  I find this impossible if you believe your calling is a doctor, psychologist, lawyer….the list goes on.  I do not believe most people can pay for extensive schooling with cash, nor do I believe anyone is less of a man for needing loans to finish school.  This has NOTHING to do with masculinity.

Lastly, Guru 3 calls out the guys for their cowardice behavior, their unattractive behavior, and then calls out the people who’ve enabled such behavior.  Moms and girlfriends.  The women of these boys’ lives.  He fails to mention the Fathers role in all of this.  So he solely places the finger on women as the enablers of that behavior in the upbringing of the boy to a man.  This creates a woman dishonoring attitude and a chance to use them as an excuse for such behavior.

Though I will agree that a mom, as a parent, is responsible for raising their own children, the father’s role is just as crucial if not more so in laying out the steps of walking into manhood.  (Which Guru 3 also fails to mention.)  In the hours of shame teaching, making fun of men who have no confidence, and scapegoating the issues; he also fails in giving distinct steps to take to help with any of the issues he has with guys.  He is, however, happy to go on rants at how many of the men in his congregation irritate and frustrate him.

In conclusion, I’ve mentioned these Guru’s as a way of showing us what is out there.  The frightening part is, many men are buying into this in hopes of answering their life long question, “Am I a man?” or, “Will this make me a man?”  Many of the men buying into these teachings are also hurt and looking for a remedy.  In growing up I was bombarded with similar messages.  Filtering through them was and always has been a challenge.  So what is the truth?  We created The Man Myths © to uncover those truths and de-myth the common beliefs.

One of my long time mentors, Eben Pagan, once taught a seminar on teaching useful information.  He said, “As a teacher you can never assume your audience even knows the basics of what you know.  That assumption will not interpret the way you want it to and you will lose your listeners.”  Without practical steps to take, tools, and useful advice one becomes just another opinion on a matter that would probably be useful if had the vehicle to get there.  And that is what we always strive to do at our seminars;  to give you the proper steps to take that anyone can apply to their lives for improvement.  Until next time.

 

William M. Jeffries