Archive for bad boys

Stand In The Gap

Posted in charismatic, confidence, inspirational, mentorship, self development, self help with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 17, 2013 by full1mpact

When I was a senior in High School, I ended up having to take an underclassman Algebra class.  Mainly to make up for credits due to some car accident I was in that year that put me in a troubled teen hospital.  But that’s another story.  I hated Math.  At that point in my life I hated a lot of things about school, life, people, and math.

Because my previous class was so close to this particular one, I was always the first there and I’d sit in the back.  I was the only senior in that class and yes, I felt dumb.  I struggled with Algebra and all forms of number issues.  I always remember one kid who’d come into the room shortly after me.  Probably a sophomore or possibly a freshman.   I remember him because he was the poster child for stereotypical nerds.  Big glasses, usually wore slacks, sometimes even a bow-tie..and yes…a pocket protector.  In fact, as I’m writing this article I got out my year book, and there he is, in a bow-tie with his massive glasses.  I guess he was a sophomore after all.

He usually tried to sit near the front and avoid contact with another boy who’d come in fourth or fifth or sometimes right after him.  The other, kid, much larger, would stare him down and go sit a desk or two side-by-side with him.  Never said anything but I recognized the larger boy because he was on the Junior Varsity football team and I had seen him hanging around that crowd a lot.  Seemed decent enough, but the first time I saw him glare down the nerdy boy it struck me as odd.  What could he have possibly against him?

That tiny moment, that predator stare, I recognized it immediately.  I knew it because I remember that being done to me by other people.  The predator stalks its prey, to feel powerful, or better about themselves, or to prove something.  Whatever the case, I remembered that look all too well and it hit something in me.  Like a switch going off.  The predator was so focused it didn’t see the other eyes in the back of the room watching.  Or it didn’t care.  Either way that boy was now on my radar.

A few days passed and nothing ever came of it until later in the week I saw that look in the larger kid again.  Teacher was out in the hall or wherever teachers go for 6 or 7 minutes between classes.  But in he stalked, glaring down at the boy who would even look up.  Then he just stopped, right in front of his desk and stood there.  I knew what the boy sitting there felt like.  This larger, “tougher,” boy just staring you down and you’re on eggshells, processing what to do to not look weak, but not make him upset as to take it out on you.

I watched, eagerly, because of all of the things I mentioned above that I hated…I hated bullies the most.  A violent, sociopathic, non-healthy, sort of hate.  (I had issues, judge as you will.) And as I watched the bully started to say something.  To this day I don’t even remember what he was saying.  I do remember he bumped the smaller kid’s desk with his leg and got all wild-eyed.  The smaller kid answered meekly and was holding his pencil.  I remember because I could see his hand shaking.

I’d had enough and said, “Is there a ****’n problem?”  They both looked up at me shocked.  I hadn’t spoken a word to anyone in that class since the 1st day.  At first the bully had a look like, “who would dare?” then his skin turned pale.  Then he made a statement about how he was just joking around and they were just friends.  Funny how even in High School that excuse is still used.

I wasn’t a big kid, I was very scrappy and still fairly underdeveloped for my age, but at that point I didn’t care much for the rest of my school year.  I begged God above to give me the chance to go crazy on this bully.  Instead the bully sulked over to his seat still glaring at the other boy and muttered something under his breath.  Coward.  I spoke again, “He obviously doesn’t think so, if I ever see or hear of you bothering him again, you’ll have me as a problem.”  He insisted he was joking to which I countered with telling him to shut his mouth along with other colorful words.  From then on, in that class anyway, I was the predator watching his every move, not needing to ever speak again.

Later, after the end of the school year I was at a party at a friend’s house when a girl I had recognized approached me.  She was an upper classman to me when I was still in High School.  She thanked me for sticking up for her little brother.  She then told me how that boy had bothered her little brother from 7th grade until his sophomore year relentlessly.  Teachers never took the parent’s complaints too seriously and the torment would continue. After that little intervention, he never bothered her brother again.  That is all it took.

I bring this up not to pat myself on the back, the world knows I have delivered my share of shame and detestable actions.  I bring this up because I was reminded of this incident today as I read the headlines of yet another kid being bullied.  Anymore you don’t have to look far and we had even written an  about this some time ago.

Recently a boy had asked Santa to bring a Christmas present early.  That present is to stop his sister from being bullied any further.  No longer did he wish for a remote control car or helicopter, but instead to intervene on behalf of his sister.  It has pierced his heart and he no longer knows where to go.  I know many parents are doing their best, but so many questions need to be asked and so many children need to know this is not okay.

bully

How do we begin to stand up for others?  How do we fill the gap?  In our seminars we mentioned how men, true masculine, mature, men, are protectors and defenders of those who cannot fend for themselves.  No matter what race, gender, creed, or orientation.  My grandfather once told me that some courage is standing up for what is right, or for someone else, when no one else will.  I’m not sure how to close this except with one last question; what will you do to fill the gap, to stand for someone else?  What will you do?

M. Larsen

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Interview With Dr. Timaree

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2013 by full1mpact

Full 1mpact recently had the chance to interview Dr. Timaree. We believe of all of the times we want people to pay attention, this is one of them! So pay attention, this interview has a lot of great information in it especially since this answers a lot of questions many guys have as we’re delving into the Attraction Series. –William M. Jeffries

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Interview withTimaree:
Full 1mpact: We first want to acknowledge and thank you, Dr. Timaree for taking time out of your busy schedule for us. Your work and knowledge of both sexuality and overall human rights are pretty spectacular. If someone wanted more information about you and your work, where could they go and what could they expect to see?

Dr. Timaree: Awww, shucks. Thanks to you too, for your work! My work is spread out all over the interwebs Sex with http://sexwithtimaree.com/, the podcast on iTunes http://tinyurl.com/swtpod, the Facebook community http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree , and syndicated on a few websites run by other folks. Someone who checks these out will hopefully find a passion for sex positivity, social justice, rational discourse about sensitive topics and a penchant for appropriately timed F bombs.

Full 1mpact: What are some projects you are currently working on or which cause you are diving into at the moment?

Dr. Timaree: My podcast and website and facebook page are all ongoing ventures into keeping positive sexuality in people’s lives. What I focus on depends on what’s in the news. For many years, our time was focused on marriage equality. But the tipping point on that has past, so now I focus more on talking about street harassment, teaching media critique to pop culture consumers, affecting legislation around reproductive health and the body image issues that young people face.

Full 1mpact: In a recent seminar entitled, “The Man Myths,” we discussed what seems to be the degeneration of the male character in the last several decades. According to the 2011 US Department of Census, nearly 43% of children live without their father. What effect do you believe this has on kids, and more specifically boys and men?

Dr. Timaree: I think that it’s entirely possible for a young person, and a young man specifically, to be raised entirely by females and come out a completely functional, strong-of-character human being. That needs to be said.

However, I think that young men need to be disabused of the notion that their impact as a parent is somehow lesser. Because I also think a child can be raised entirely by males and still be a perfect adjusted human. Parenting is not a gendered activity. Nor is it an easy one. Males need to be reminded of their POWER as fathers, of the potential that parenting offers them, and the pride that can come from being a man who is strong, reliable and nurturing. Males get a lot of messages about how they can demonstrate power and influence. Let’s deconstruct those messages and see which ones are real and have lasting, long-term impact and which are just a superficial façade for the now.

Full 1mpact: A common theme we get asked at Full 1mpact is, “How can I become more attractive to others?” In your opinion what is something guys can do when approaching women (Or someone they’re attracted to.) to come across more attractive?

Dr. Timaree: This is one thing that men’s magazines do consistently get right (when they ask some random model this question). Because the answer is actually: confidence. However, there’s a big difference between self-involved arrogance and genuine confidence that radiates outward.

Confidence means that you don’t have to overcompensate by being flashy. That kind of peacocking will definitely get attention and land you some dates. That’s the whole thing behind Pickup Artistry. You can definitely strut and crow your way into a girl’s world. But that only works on a specific type of girl, namely one who believes in old-school stereotypes about gender and isn’t entirely sure of herself…. and needs your perceived masculine strength to make up for her lack of perceived ability.

So I guess it ultimately depends on WHOM you are trying to attract. Women are not wholly different from men in what they want: someone who is good looking, smart, fun to be around, and really, most significantly, LIKES THEM. We are attracted more to people who show attraction to us.

This is when it gets confusing for some. Because for those who aren’t patient enough for nuance, that means hollering at a girl is showing interest. Telling her she’s pretty, going right to asking her out, whatever. But I mean real, genuine interest in her as a person. Making it obvious that you’re into her specifically and not just throwing darts randomly to see what lands. Mastering this nuance is the difference between being perceived as a lame street harasser and being the kind of confident person who takes risks to try to win over someone they think is worth the trouble. Because the former is annoying, the latter is fascinating.

Full 1mpact: What is a common mistake most men make that they often overlook?

Dr. Timaree: In approaching women? I’d say there are some men who don’t take the time to learn how to read social cues. If someone consistently says they’re getting “friend-zoned” or something of that nature, it usually means a)they have a mistaken sense of entitlement that kindness towards women merits getting sex in return and b) they are not very skilled at reading facial/non-verbal shows of attraction.

This is a learned skill, cultivated through years of active effort to be aware of what everyone around you is feeling. And it’s not just some code like “she touched my arm, that is a sign of attraction.” It’s really trying to tap into the experience of another person so you can either get on their wave-length or get them on yours. It’s helpful in business, it’s helpful in social interactions, it’s definitely useful in dating. But, for some reason, it’s often undervalued.

Full 1mpact: In our “Attraction Series,” we discussed why one-liners and comments about women’s “assets” are not only ineffective, but really bad form. As a woman, I’m sure you’ve either witnessed or experienced this first hand. Can you tell us what that is like, how that translates to women, and why it is direly important to provoke simple conversation over previously mentioned behavior?

Dr. Timaree: Like I mentioned above, those things have very limited application. Yes, everyone wants to be attractive. But we want to be valued and respected too. And if the only feedback you give is on looks, which is pretty standard for a female to get, then it’s lame and uncreative (everyone does it to her all the time, especially if she is conventionally attractive) and also makes you seem like a person who only values her body. You’ll be simply adding yourself to the list of randoms who harass her on the street, yelling out the window that she has a nice ass.

And on top of that, in a world where 1 in 4 females experience an attempted or completed sexual assault, sexual comments of this nature can be disconcerting and even threatening. We don’t know if a guy is just fumbling for how to start conversation or if he’s going to get mad when he doesn’t get a positive response and then turn vicious. It’s not uncommon for a street harasser to say a woman is beautiful and then call her a stupid, ugly bitch when she doesn’t respond. Separate yourself from those guys in your behavior as much as possible.

Full 1mpact: What is something you wish most men would think about or focus on that would make a big difference in society as a whole?

Dr. Timaree: Wow. That’s a big question! I wish that all people could work on empathy and cultivating the skills to imagine reality through a lens of experience different than their own. One of the biggest sources of conflict is assuming we understand someone else’s beliefs, thoughts and motivations.
It’s easy to make a villain out of someone if you never bother to genuinely listen to their perspective. And one of the challenges for men, especially white heterosexual men, is to realize that they have not been socialized to think from other vantages. The vast majority of history, art, media and politics are constructed to speak the language and experience of middle-class white straight men, to depict their experience as default and universal. It takes an awakening to realize this is not most people’s reality, however, that there are other, equally valid vantages.

It’s not an individual man’s fault that he doesn’t know what life is like for a woman, especially a woman of color, a queer woman, etc. But it is his fault if he fails to try to do anything about it, if he fails to seek out media created by those groups and never gets around to listening to anything they have to say.

And this is not a problem solely for men. White women need to seek out and consume media created by people of color. Able-bodied folks need to read an essay or two written by someone with a physical disability. Americans need to read international news written by local reporters. It’s helpful to get that insight, to have the ability to contemplate how something will be perceived by someone else.

What is something a guy can do today to begin changing for the better, not only to be more attractive as a whole, but also more helpful?
I think this goes for all people: but to never become complacent, never assume you know enough. Always be learning, always be interested in gaining new insights and experiences.

This can mean reading books by authors from countries that you couldn’t find on map and going to events that feel out of your comfort zone. Take a class in something totally out of your element, politely make conversation with total strangers about something of substance.

Face the possibility of failure, look for experiences where you will probably not win. Be OK with looking silly, being perceived by people as being weird. Put yourself out there to be rejected, experience rejection, survive it. The strength you acquire from these learning opportunities will last longer than any other kind because it will be real.

Full 1mpact: And lastly what are some things you see some guys doing right that you find attractive?

Dr. Timaree: We are all drawn to the idea of adventure, fun and intelligence. We want to be around people who smile and laugh and make others around them smile and laugh. When we feel good about ourselves, we are attracted to the things we want to be like: happy, confident, and capable.

Many men shy away from showing enthusiasm. They’ve been told it’s gay or feminine to get excited about anything other than a short list of appropriately masculine interests (football, strip clubs, etc). But fewer and fewer people are falling for that and you want to draw in the folks who see possibilities, not limitations. You can generate excitement in others by demonstrating that you’re excited. I mean, what is sexier than seeing or feeling evidence that someone is turned on? Strive to be that… although not necessarily by walking around with a hard-on all day.  Get amped up about stuff, be ready for adventure, be game for life.

Full 1mpact: We want to thank you for your time and for your thoughts. We will continue to send our support.

Why Attraction?

Posted in attraction, dating with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2013 by full1mpact

In one week from today we will be opening the doors to the Attraction Series set of seminars free to the public.  A lot of questions have been emailed to us about what the attraction series is about, and who is the demographic we’re trying to reach.  Hopefully this will clear some questions and at the same time entice you to want to join us on the 27th.  At the same time shed some light on where we’re coming from.

I don’t know about you, but I use Facebook as my own personal testing ground and psychological study base from time to time when it comes to understanding behaviors and belief systems.  A wise man once told me you can figure out people very quickly by just listening to what they have to say long enough.  On the same note, a wise woman told me you can also pinpoint their place of hurt, or struggle even in the most tongue-in-cheek jests if you listen close enough.

I monitor everything from funny memes to political memes, slanderous ones, and memes people post from sheer emotion; forgetting to check snopes or other myth-busting sites.  The posts that get my attention are the relationship based ones.  I have seen guys post their cynical rants based on the fact they cannot keep a relationship longer than three months, and therefore women are to blame.  I have seen posts from the “sensitive nice guy” who can’t understand why girls always leave him because he’s the nice guy they always wanted.  Or the guy who becomes jaded because he targets women who don’t want a monogamous relationship, therefore the expectations don’t match up.  And the ones from the guys who don’t understand why girls tell him “they just want to be friends,” and he ends up in the “friendzone.”  (By the way, usually when a girl says she just wants to be friends, she usually means she doesn’t even want that.  FYI.)  Where to begin?

When Full 1mpact started the Man Myths© series a few years back we had the philosophy that true masculinity starts from within, rather than without.  And the same goes for true attraction.  However, it is a great paradox in the fact that you might have some great inner dialogue, great charisma, and pretty good confidence; but your decision to not shower often or take care of your teeth will turn girls running for the hills faster than a cheetah in pursuit.  So it works both ways, but we try to start with the inward approach.  This monitoring, listening, reading, researching, brought me to the conclusion that there is a need.  A need to reach out and help those to either improve upon what they already know, or teach what their fathers never taught them.  Every guy has the deep desire to be attractive to those around him.  But when the skills aren’t there, or there is a core belief system rooted in half-truths, it turns into puffing one’s chest or parading around like a peacock for attention.  That works about five percent of the time and I’m being generous here.

In the Man Myths we discussed that there are three areas that all masculinity lies within.  Material, which is cars, houses, money, objects, and things.  Physical, this is the physical body of a man, the body language, and the physical condition of the man.  And finally the internal, spiritual, which is the inward thoughts, spirit, attitude, and inner mechanisms of a man.  All ideas, false or not, lie within those boundaries.  Interestingly enough so do the laws of attraction when it comes to being attractive.  For the inward battle so is the outward reward in many cases.

The Attraction series goes into why each category is important, and how to utilize each to our advantage to help you attract in a way that suites you.  Some of which, may also invade your comfort zone if you’re used to not putting forth much effort.  We approach everything from attitude, body language, and appearance, to appropriate subjects to talk about, what not to talk about, and even Facebook etiquette.  Facebook etiquette?  Huh?  Who needs that right?  Your profile picture alone might be a deterrent.

So who is this seminar aimed for again?   All men who wish to improve.  I was taught if you’re not growing, you’re failing.  If you stand still too long, you will actually find yourself moved backwards in the future.  This is for married men, single men, men with a partner, without a partner…all men.  Why?  Because regardless of whether it is the basic level knowledge or the more advanced series ideas, the same applies to everyone.  I had a married man tell me, “I already attracted my wife, what more do I need to know.”  Simple.  The things you did to attract her, you must continue to do, and even improve upon and change it up a little.  It applies to everyone.

On one more note, I had a gentleman a long time ago tell me, he always enjoyed my material but he already had a girlfriend so he figured what we had to teach didn’t apply to him.  He enjoyed it; he even encouraged other guys about much of the material.  One evening I got a call his girlfriend dumped him.  She told him, “I love you, and you’re a nice guy, it’s me, I just need to move on and find myself.”  He asked me what that means, how can he get her back.  I said, “Do you want to know the translation?”  He nodded, and I replied, “She is saying the relationship got too comfortable, boring, and predictable and has lost its spark, there is little chance in hell I’m coming back.”

He asked why she just hadn’t told him.  I said she probably had, and probably many times, you either never paid attention or figured it was just something that wasn’t that important.  Or she has sailed that boat and moved on.  Her saying it was her, not him, was a polite way of saying, “This ship has sailed.”  He eventually got over it, and began to look inward as many guys do.  He began practicing techniques and ideas to improve his overall lifestyle.  In time he too, found someone new.  The point is this series applies to everyone.  And for the guys who believe they have it all figured out, I’ll tell you what a great mentor told me, “Everyone should have a mentor, all of the time.”

 

~William M. Jeffries

The Man Myths (c) Misdirection

Posted in arrogance, attraction, confidence, dating, friend zone, inspirational, men's health with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2013 by full1mpact

 

Years ago when deciding to be a part of Full 1mpact, I envisioned a place where guys could be a part of something where they could grow in a stable environment.  I saw a place that teaches everything from health and sexuality, to true masculinity.  In that vision was a group that decided we would not be fooled by pop-media, nor would we bow down to broken belief systems that are harmful to everyone.  That choice was spawned by my own journey through myths, lies, and half-truths that pepper a boy’s growing up experience.

In that journey I had to literally swim through information and misinformation from one study group to another or from one men’s guru, to another.  But this has never stopped.  Every bit of information I find, I keep.  Good or bad.  The reason is simple; I want to help where I needed help during my life span.  That vision I mentioned?  Yeah, the one where guys learn about real masculinity?  We can’t teach that if we don’t understand or haven’t experienced the triumphs or failures ourselves.  Recently we’ve been going through the Man Myths curriculum, in doing so we’ve had to once again swim through the video guru’s and leaders to find some gold.  In doing so, I’ve stumbled across a myriad of misinformation.  It is no wonder boys have such a misunderstanding as to the steps to manhood.

I going to write about three recent videos I came across while exploring the net on men’s leaders, guru’s, teachers, mentors, etc.  I am not going to mention their name, business, name of company or ministry.  This isn’t to slander them as an individual.  This is also not to do a comparison of us to them.  This is simply to point out some teachings I came across that I believe are damaging.  I believe most of these guys are earnest in their teachings and really believe they are helping.  I also don’t want to give them anymore web traffic than needed if I can help it.  I’m writing this to give an alternate viewpoint.

Video Guru #1:

In the search for helping guys create that spark of attraction with women I had to dig through endless amounts of material form world renown pickup artists to attraction gurus.  Most are misunderstood in the nature of their teachings, but many are just trying to help guys with absolutely rubbish dating skills.  They teach guys who just have no idea where to start but would really like to be with a girl.  Thus bringing me, Guru 1.

The main teachings:  Guru 1 has a huge reputation in the pickup artist community and has even had several reality shows to back up his skills.  He teaches guys scripted techniques on how to talk to women to create the attraction.  Just as important he also teaches perfect body language to project to a girl to create attraction and uses sociological and psychological techniques that have been long considered controversial, despite how effective those techniques might be.  His shtick is that the scripts work and has even had boot camp contests for men, where the guy who picks up a girl fastest with his scripted techniques wins a trip to his mansion and other prizes.

The Issue:  I have read cover to cover, most of this man’s books.  He comes from a place of fierce female rejection and humiliation at a young age when he just wanted to be with a beautiful girl.  So he tries to spare men that same pain.  The issue at hand is that it’s scripted.  I’m not talking pick-up lines or lame jokes, I am talking about well thought out and planned scripts with body language and everything.  As though you are an actor in a movie.  And that is the problem.

Men are taught that this is all they need to know.  Many master the techniques and do very well with the ladies.  There are also blogs about where to go after you’ve gotten her home a few times.  How then do you develop an actual relationship?  You see, the script only teaches you how to create a cardboard cutout of a man, display it, and hope the girl doesn’t see behind it.

As a teacher he hasn’t taught the guys internal steps to great character, how to treat a woman for long-term romance, or how to communicate that direction if that is where your interest is.  In a recent article sex expert, Timaree Schmit, posted; “When Can We Bang?” http://sexwithtimaree.com/2013/01/30/when-can-we-bang/  she covers the importance of a pure line of communication.  Something we’ve also stressed at Full 1mpact.  There is nothing wrong with honest communications about your intentions.

On a side note, as I said previously, I have read this man’s material.  I believe for guys who are just starting to test the waters in talking to beautiful, attractive, women, this is a good way to get their feet wet and actually obtain some confidence to try talking to women using these techniques.  Sort of like a starter kit.  But for guys who want deep game, this shouldn’t by any means be permanent.  Let’s move on.

 

Video Guru #2:

The main teachings:  He believes too many men put women on a pedestal.  (I agree.)  However he also refers to a woman’s attitude when disagreeing with your attempts of “attraction” as a “bitch attitude” and warns against it.  Like Guru 1, he teaches forms of body language that is linked to the sub-conscious and therefore comes across as much stronger and more persuasive, if not purely manipulative.  He often refers to women in derogatory form and is applauded by his audience.

He does side courses on confidence, but it is usually peppered with what I call “comparison confidence” where your confidence is derived from something inferior about someone else.  In his main teaching he makes these three claims:  1. He can get you laid faster than any other teaching guru.  2.  The women won’t know what to do about you. (This I actually agree, but from the sheer shock of offense spewed their way.)  3.  You will learn to be a true Alpha-Male.

The Issue:  Where do I begin?  Guru 2 also comes from a background of deep seeded rejection stemming all the way from his mother, he admits in a video interview from 2004.   His teachings dive straight into the fountain of misogynistic fortitude.  Though he deeply believes he is helping young men get “laid the easy way,” he is constantly teaching from a platform of “Us against Them.”  He constantly degrades women and hints at Rape Culture with his subconsciously persuasive “touch” body language where he has taught that an innocent pat on the butt is okay if it’s done correctly.  Where I come from that can be considered sexual assault.

Putting anyone, (Women, Men, a specific race) in a place of “lesser than you,” helps no one.  It stems from lack of understanding, and reaps destructive relationships.  It also promotes the mistreatment of women and men you see lesser than yourself.  To me, that is bullying and is not an okay attribute.

Guru 2’s Alpha Male Club teachings; A true man never has to compare or prove himself to anyone but himself.  And a supposed “alpha” never has to belittle other men as a way of making themselves as higher status.  There is little I find helpful about Guru 2’s teachings.  The majority is offensive and comes across really manipulative.

Video Guru #3:

The Main Teachings:  This gentleman is a teacher who often teaches in men’s seminars on helping boys become men and does a fairly decent job of pointing out boy behavior that continues into adulthood.  He also identifies the struggle with modern time’s inability to distinctly identify real manhood or masculinity.  Often uses the media as an example of how marketing targets young men in their ads.  “Real men buy this,” or “Real men want this thing,” and then young men go out and buy those very objects in hoping to be “real men.”

He goes into detail about how real men skip adolescents and understand 5 basic sociological changes that move them straight into adulthood.   Guru 3 also teachings men on becoming givers, and not takers and those real men don’t need to acquire large school debts or credit card debts buying toys.  He then calls people out for enabling a long list of unattractive boy behavior.  And those people are mothers, sisters, and girlfriends to these boys.  Because they’re enabling and allowing this behavior.

The Issue:  Though I find myself agreeing on the behavior aspect of his teachings and also the increasing inability of guys to identify what it takes to be a real man, I am afraid that Guru 3 speaks in half-truths.  Though he successfully labels the five major sociological changes boys have made over the centuries that helped step them into manhood, it is taught as, “Do these five things, and you will be a man.” It comes across as though it is just that simple.  But it isn’t that simple, especially when the majority of masculinity stems from the internal, not the external.

When he teaches on boy behaviors that carry into adulthood, he uses a tactic I refer to as shame teaching.  This is a tactic used where you make fun of the people doing the undesired behavior, usually in your audience, explain the undesired scenario, and teach it in a way that shames the people that may have done said behavior.  I’ve seen this style in the corporate world, I’ve seen in done by my own teachers, my peers in middle school when I didn’t go out for a sport, and I’ve done it myself to others.  It is relatively ineffective, and doesn’t give the steps a person needs to improve if they lack the skills or tools.

He preaches on to say men should know their vocation and just go into it without acquiring school debt.  I find this impossible if you believe your calling is a doctor, psychologist, lawyer….the list goes on.  I do not believe most people can pay for extensive schooling with cash, nor do I believe anyone is less of a man for needing loans to finish school.  This has NOTHING to do with masculinity.

Lastly, Guru 3 calls out the guys for their cowardice behavior, their unattractive behavior, and then calls out the people who’ve enabled such behavior.  Moms and girlfriends.  The women of these boys’ lives.  He fails to mention the Fathers role in all of this.  So he solely places the finger on women as the enablers of that behavior in the upbringing of the boy to a man.  This creates a woman dishonoring attitude and a chance to use them as an excuse for such behavior.

Though I will agree that a mom, as a parent, is responsible for raising their own children, the father’s role is just as crucial if not more so in laying out the steps of walking into manhood.  (Which Guru 3 also fails to mention.)  In the hours of shame teaching, making fun of men who have no confidence, and scapegoating the issues; he also fails in giving distinct steps to take to help with any of the issues he has with guys.  He is, however, happy to go on rants at how many of the men in his congregation irritate and frustrate him.

In conclusion, I’ve mentioned these Guru’s as a way of showing us what is out there.  The frightening part is, many men are buying into this in hopes of answering their life long question, “Am I a man?” or, “Will this make me a man?”  Many of the men buying into these teachings are also hurt and looking for a remedy.  In growing up I was bombarded with similar messages.  Filtering through them was and always has been a challenge.  So what is the truth?  We created The Man Myths © to uncover those truths and de-myth the common beliefs.

One of my long time mentors, Eben Pagan, once taught a seminar on teaching useful information.  He said, “As a teacher you can never assume your audience even knows the basics of what you know.  That assumption will not interpret the way you want it to and you will lose your listeners.”  Without practical steps to take, tools, and useful advice one becomes just another opinion on a matter that would probably be useful if had the vehicle to get there.  And that is what we always strive to do at our seminars;  to give you the proper steps to take that anyone can apply to their lives for improvement.  Until next time.

 

William M. Jeffries

5 Movie Characters Who Could Benefit From Full 1mpact

Posted in attraction, confidence, dating, friend zone, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2012 by full1mpact

In preparation for our January 9th event, the first of many free seminars, we want to do something a little fun.  What if we were able to offer our services to a few fictional characters we have seen in movies?  Granted, the movie wouldn’t have had the drama it did and it is that very drama that makes most movies enjoyable.  But what if, what if we could have helped and how would we have done this?  Imagine if Emperor Commodus was secure with his identity, or what if Fisher from 21 got out of his own ego and worked as a team?  Yeah, we’re not sure what would’ve happened either, probably wouldn’t have made as good of a movie, but hey, sometimes these fictional characters exist in people we know.  (Disclaimer:  We are not saying every case is curable or that we are therapists since several characters were in need of some serious therapy sessions.)  WARNING:  Movie Spoilers Ahead.

Movie:  Gladiator

Character:  Emperor Commodus

Storyline:  In short, Emperor Commodus smothers his father to death and takes over as ruler of Rome; he condemns Maximus to death for not giving him total loyalty.  Maximus rises up through the gladiator ranks and outshines the Emperor of Rome.  This provokes him to try numerous times to kill Maximus in the arena with no avail.  Finally he decides to fight Maximus himself after stabbing the gladiator in the side with a shiv to give the Emperor the advantage.  Still doesn’t work out for him as he is forced to taste that shiv for himself in one final fight.

Issue at hand:  Where do we start?  This guy is teaming with self-destructive habits and esteem. Chronic father issues aside, he falls victim to his own agenda and aspirations.  He desires to be the greatest ruler of Rome and tries desperately to fill the shoes of his father.  He constantly compares himself to other great men, unsure of his own identity, and disguises his quest to fill the void of genuine love in his life with the ambition of building a greater Rome and being loved in the eyes of the people.  And that is just the surface or tip of the iceberg so to speak.

How Full 1mpact Address This:  Let’s pretend for a moment that Commodus decides to get professional help for his lack of a father growing up and what issues rose to surface from that.  Yeah.  So how could we help?

Step 1:  Help him identify the great qualities that are inside of him that he respects in other men.  Doing this he begins to realize that he doesn’t have to fill someone else’s shoes or compare himself to another man.  He can be his own man without an ambition.  This will also show him he has no reason to be jealous of Maximus and he can be a true brother and friend or ally.  This security would also help him in dealing with bureaucratic politicians who would otherwise look down upon him for his lack of knowledge or experience.

Step 2:  Help him realize he doesn’t need everyone’s approval.  By introducing him to the “Man Myths” series he’d understand that pleasing everyone is just as impossible as it is taxing on the spirit.  It is also manipulative.  Manipulative in what ways? The idea that, if he does something for people, that they should love him.  That is buying love, or fishing for approval.  None of it works and men often get trapped into this especially when trying to attract a woman.  He would need to realize the great paradox, to put in motion things that would help Rome’s best interest in his opinion, but understand not everyone will approve or love him for it.  And be comfortable with that rather than threatened.

Step 3:  Though this ties into number two, it is still very relevant.  And that is to help him begin to start loving himself in a non-narcissistic, but healthy, manner.  This way he isn’t searching everywhere else for his needs.  He’d begin to understand the core of whomever and whatever he wants to be is deep inside him first.  Everything else will fall into line.

How will this all help him?  The father issue is the big obvious, and that goes without question that if the issue isn’t resolved it’d be hard to get anywhere.  Inside of that, he has two iconic men he is comparing himself to constantly and competing with.  It’s kind of like an amateur boxer deciding he’s going to compete and go twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.  That just never works out very well and you end up feeling jaded and tortured.  (And very sore.)

By identifying his own core virtues that make him strong in his own identity he has no need to compare.  He is solid with the belief he can be his own man and be iconic in his own way.  In doing so he could very well restore many broken relationships he already has.  With those relationships restored he could then understand and enjoy real love, not manufactured or manipulated love.  Or even demanded love, as we see later on in the film as he begins to spiral more out of control.

Movie:  Legends of the Fall

Character:  Alfred Ludlow

Storyline:  In Legends of the Fall we follow the Ludlow; The Colonel, three brothers, and Susanna, as they survive through seasons of trials of losing loved ones.  Tristan tries to wrestle with his inner wildness as Alfred tries to wrestle with his own identity as well; all the while each of them misses their brother Samuel that they lost in WWI.  All of the characters wrestle with love, historic battles, and seasons.

Issue At Hand:  Alfred tries hard to be a people pleaser, at the same time win the hand of Susanna, whose heart is still with Tristan.  Alfred blames and resents Tristan for Samuels’s death as well as Tristan’s success and popularity.  He also resents that Tristan allows himself to abide by own rules and is loved regardless.  Alfred goes on to pursue Susanna through persuasion and manipulation, blaming Tristan.  At the same time he becomes a successful politician and lives near his mother where he believes he’ll be accepted more.

How does Full 1mpact address this?:  This one isn’t as extensive as Mr. Commodus, and in fact is quite common.  I would even say half of the men we’ve encountered have had trouble similar to that of Alfred here.

Step 1:  Alfred is a people pleaser first and foremost.  He even says it himself at Susanna’s funeral.  “I followed all of the rules, man’s and God’s. And you, you followed none of them. And they all loved you more. Samuel, Father, and my… even my own wife.”  So our job is to get him to identify that life isn’t so much about rules, or even “Everyone’s” rules.  Again we have a guy who, out of insecurity, is comparing his love level to that of another man.  “What am I doing wrong?” is often the question at hand.  Tristan had to wrestle his own demons, while Alfred spent time pleasing everyone else which led to his work as a politician.  We would show him that he cannot please everyone.  He needs to make the choice to identify with his own demons, traits, skills, and character then go from there.  Build up from the core and decide his own set of rules and follow those.

Step 2:  Help him to understand he needs to take responsibility for himself, and his own actions.  Yes, very basic, but nonetheless very profound.  Like I said earlier, Alfred is a common scene in many guys, and so is the desire to pass responsibility.  Alfred blames Tristan for Samuel’s death, for Susanna being alone, for breaking all the rules, and doesn’t take a moment to realize what it is he is doing to add to the poison.  The Colonel, Alfred’s father, even says, “Samuel decided for himself to be a soldier, and soldiers are killed…” trying to get Alfred to understand it has nothing to do with the fact he is trying to pursue Tristan’s fiancé.  He fails to understand that he made the choice to try and persuade Susanna to be with him.  And that he himself became a people pleaser and manipulator.  Taking responsibility takes the power back to you, saying, “I have the power to make choices, good or bad, and the power to own up to them.”  Passing responsibility to someone else says, “They have the power to decide how much love I get, or who accepts me, or my path in life.”  By passing the responsibility, one also passes on their own personal power.

Step 3:  Teach him to attract a woman who loves him, not his brother.  A major issue of resentment was his wife still very much was in love with Tristan, even though Tristan knew it would never work.  The old Tristan died, and the new was born.  She never got passed that.  And despite that fact, Alfred still “persuades” her to marry him instead.  He manipulates her by offering her security, but the issue remains.  The issue is never addressed to the point where she realizes she cannot be happy without Tristan.  (An issue within itself.)  So she commits suicide.  A man should never have to persuade or manipulate love.  Had Alfred been his own man, comfortable and secure within himself and addressed his own personal demons in his own way, he could have found someone who’d compliment his character as he compliments hers.  He’d be able to attract someone who loves him for who he is not his brother.

How will all of this help him?:  Again he’d be secure in himself, and begin identifying his own demons to address rather than trying to place blame on his brother.  And rather than be someone who fishes for acceptance he accepts himself and puts the former aside.  Also, he’d understand more fully the dynamic of attraction between a man and a woman.  Rather than being jaded because a woman isn’t solely attracted to a comfortable lifestyle, he’d be secure in knowing that he had the power to attract a woman himself rather than compare himself to another man.

Movie:   The Holiday

Character:  Jasper

Storyline:  Ah, you didn’t think I’d go without a Christmassy movie this time of year did you?  In the Holiday Iris is still in love with a guy who is marrying another woman, a man who has, in the past, used her and eventually told her that their love is like “a round peg in a square hole, it just doesn’t fit.”  In order to get away from it all she swaps houses for the Holiday with a woman in California.  Here she begins to see from afar that the “love” she had with Jasper was pure venom.

Issue at Hand:  Though Jasper’s overall role in the film is pretty much a scant few scenes, his role is huge.  He is a womanizer, but not just a womanizer; he likes to keep them on an emotional string.  Interestingly enough, he knows perfectly how to bait the hook and cast it.  He understands attraction, and he fully understands manipulation.  And sadly, men like this rarely see themselves needing help from Full 1mpact when in fact they may need it the most.

How does Full 1mpact address this?:  We’d begin by first seeing how willing Jasper would be to see what exactly he is creating with his actions.  And also allow him to understand himself a little better and his “need” to control multiple women.  By control we mean using manipulation tactics.

Step 1:  Rather than calling him a womanizer and kicking his ass for his douchebag behavior, sometimes a more subtle approach is needed.  And that is to get him to identify that his actions are harmful.  I had a guy once ask, “Well what if I wasn’t married?”  My question immediately was, “Do all of the women in your life know about one another, and if so, are they okay with this?”  If the answer is no, then you, my friend are causing harm.  You are being dishonest at someone else’s expense.  It isn’t that Full 1mpact is all about monogamy, or against multiple relationships, so much as we are about honesty.  Honesty fills the gaps.  His actions are harmful in that when the truth is told, people are severely hurt.  His actions are at another person’s expense.  In the series, “Kill the Boy” that is typical “boy-behavior” in that his actions benefit him, and him alone.

Step 2:  Help him understand he needs to make a choice.  Either get married, or don’t.  Either seals the deal, and commit to a life devoted to one woman, or if Jasper still feels he needs to live in the dating circuit, by all means, do so.  But choose and commit to that choice.  And not at the expense of other people.  He’d be better respected if he could commit to a lifestyle, or commit to changing that lifestyle when the time is right rather than hook and bait women.

Step 3:  Help him to identify his need to control and manipulate the emotions of women, and keep them on a string for when he thinks he needs them later.  Pop Psychology would suggest this is a major mother issue at work here.  Possibly, or any number of possibilities without fully knowing the entire backstory.  But more than likely there is a deeper, more sinister work at hand.  Probably a wound inside that he hasn’t faced or wrestled with.  You see, though his actions seem light-hearted, “hey I just want to have some fun, be with some ladies, no harm, no foul here.” They are actually very aggressive towards women.  His aggression is in the form of emotionally baiting women and dishonesty.  Though we are not therapists here at Full 1mpact, we do have access to them and would suggest to him the need to see one.  Otherwise he poses the possibility of damaging every relationship with women he is in.

How does all of this help him?  Hopefully by identifying his “boy-behavior” he can begin to address new habits and actions and commit to who he wants to be without another person’s expense.  The previous lifestyle of using women to manipulate creates such a state of inner turmoil and drama; he’d appreciate the peace of just “being” with someone.  The freedom of allowing the cards to fall where they may is so liberating, especially to a relationship.  Meaning, we allow the other person to be whoever they wish.  Or be with, whomever they wish.

Movie:  Magnolia

Character: Frank T.J. Mackey

Storyline:  Two parallel and intercut stories dramatize men about to die: both are estranged from a grown child, both want to make contact, and neither child wants anything to do with dad. Earl Partridge’s son Frank is a charismatic misogynist; Jimmy Gator’s daughter is a cokehead and waif. A mild and caring nurse intercedes for Earl, reaching the son; a prayerful and upright beat cop meets the daughter, is attracted to her, and leads her toward a new calm. (Taken from IMDB since our explanation was too lengthy.)

Issues at hand:  Let us move aside the easy, pop psychology, father and mother issues.  Those two are obvious from the get-go and anyone who took basic human behavior or basic Psyche 101 can see that plain as day.  So we move to his actions.  He leads a men’s self-development program to help guys get women and be “better men.”  Hmm…sound familiar?  It’s obvious he has taken some profound pain and wreckage and compiled it into success in his own life.  You see the wreckage in spat throughout the film, until the end when it pours over, still unresolved.  Frank leads his followers down his own path in which he clearly brags about following what he preaches during an interview.  But the poison appears that he is leading men out of defense with an, “Us against them,” attitude.  He makes women the enemy, not a companion, through clear emotional manipulation techniques in order to gain control.  Sound familiar?  *coughJaspercough* He teaches other hurt men, who are seeking clear answers, to follow suite.  In the industry of dating advice, pick-up artists, and men’s development this can sometimes show up.  Rather than leading men through his past pain, he is leading them within it.  Meaning, he leads them as a result of the pain in a defensive manner than puts men against women in an aggressive stage where you “tame” her.  We could write an entire 20 page article on just this fictional character alone since there are a few like him.  Yes, a few men’s help gurus who teach similar to Frank’s philosophies.

How does Full 1mpact address this?:   This could pose a challenge for one main reason, and that is Frank sees himself as a leader of men. He puts himself out as a messiah in a way to men searching to have a level of success with women where they failed or were hurt in the past.  Rather than showing them a path that benefits both parties, he serves only to fuel their wounds with aggressive, sociopathic, and manipulative motives.  Frank believes he is right, and his followers feed that belief system.  Full 1mpact would have to hit him where it hurts, and show him those wounds could heal.  (After passing him a number to one of our many therapists.)

Step 1:  We’d have to demonstrate first-hand the ability to attract women at no one’s expense.  Show him, in the field that not only can it be done, but it can be done quite effectively.  Also demonstrate to him that true masculinity is not threatened by true femininity.  They complement one another.  In order to show him this we’d allow him free consultation with one of our field experts to work with him.  Considering he’d take any of our advice we’d have to show him we’re not a threat, as women are not a threat.

Step 2:  Take him to The Man Myths 101 Boot Camp.  Why?  His ideas of masculinity shown on film suggest he’s adopted lies of true manhood and masculinity.  To say the least, he’s even quoted his own “how to” chapter entitled, “How to fake like you are nice and caring.”  The message here is telling men not to be either one.  To pretend and put up a cardboard cut out of whom you want them to see you as.  One of the myths is that men shouldn’t show emotion or be caring.  There is a difference between being overly emotional and “too caring,” and being in touch with both.  At the boot camp he’d be forced to address all of the above issues and consider them.  He’d also be forced to compare his ideas of masculinity to what is real and what is myth.

Step 3:  Work WITH his organization.  Huh?  Did I just write that?  Why would Full 1mpact work with an organization that alienates and manipulates women?  The character of Frank T.J. Mackey is a master at men’s emotions, not just women’s.  He understands what motivates men, and how to push the pain button to get them in his seminars.  And he already has masses of true believers.  By side-saddling with him we’d agree to revamp his seminars considering he’d let us in.  After steps one and two, he’d be questioning the authenticity of his organization and how to proceed further in a more positive direction.  Imagine if he went public and apologized for his previous theories.  His organization would double, with not only the support of men, but also women.  Working with Full 1mpact would be win/win for both parties.

Movie:  Just Friends

Character:  Chris Brander

Storyline:  Chris Brander has always been friends with Jamie Palamino, but now decides it is time to take his relationship to the next step. The problem is, is that Jamie still wants to be ‘Just Friends’. When he runs away and moves to L.A., he becomes an attractive music manager, who everyone wants. When he ends up back home, to his surprise, he encounters Jamie again, and sets out to be more than ‘Just Friends’ this time. Curtsey of IMDB

Issue at Hand:  The friend-zone.  Ah, yes the evil, inevitable, friend-zone that so many of us have encountered over the years.  You buy her gifts, flowers, write her poems and give her free artwork, and yet…you’re friend-zoned.  Why can’t a girl just love a guy for who he is, and why can’t a guy just wear his heart on his sleeve?  Especially when you show her that you’re always there for her no matter what, and then show her you can give her whatever she needs?  Well, we’re about to answer that question for you.   But first, let’s identify that the Chris Brander we’re talking about in this film is prior to him leaving for Los Angeles.

How would Full 1mpact address this?:  This is one of the most common issues men run into with a girl they like.  We would show Chris how to create attraction by first creating his own boundaries.  Then we’d follow up by showing him the difference between the good guy and the nice guy.

Step 1:  Get him OUT of the “friend behavior set” as soon as possible.  At the beginning of the film it is possibly too late for our friend Chris.  He’s friend-zoned himself so solid he might as well go and get his nails done with her.  Whether he is friend-zoned or not at this point is irrelevant since the skill set he would learn of identifying the zone would help him with future endeavors.

Step 2:  Help him to understand the difference between identifying her great qualities and honoring her, as opposed to putting her on a pedestal.  In the film, at the beginning you see him with what some would consider a shrine of her.  That level of “devotion” puts unrealistic expectations on her, as well as him and sets him up for failure.  (As he finds out in the film.)  It is okay to see great qualities in a woman, but it is something else entirely to make her the center of your universe and source of your happiness.  As romantic and poetic as it sounds, when you make someone the source of your happiness you objectify them and place an expectation on them to provide you that happiness.  Whether you realize it or not.  Happiness should always come from within, not without.

Step 3:  Full 1mpact would set him up with the confidence package.  Yes, that confidence is what we’d work on in order to help him stay out of the friend-zone.  You see, if he had the level of confidence he needed, he’d take the risk of putting his neck out there and saying directly what his intentions are.  Guys who friend-zone themselves take the easy way, or what they believe is the less painful route.  With the belief they’ll sneak in through the back door and “show her” how caring they really are by “always being there,” often the only message they are relaying is, “I’m a great friend,” and nothing more.  With confidence in his arsenal, Chris Brander would be able to not only deliver that message, but be able to follow through in the future.

I hope you enjoyed this as we pulled apart some of our favorite flicks with some serious, and hopefully some humorous musings with these fictional characters.  We understand that without those characters, these stories just wouldn’t be the same and would never take away from the writer’s hard work in putting those stories together.  If you want any information about Full 1mpact, seminar dates, or consultation information, please email us at full1mpact@yahoo.com or find us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Full1mpact .  Thank you for taking your time out to read this and have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Year, we will see you on January 9th.  –William M. Jeffries

Full 1mpact: The Man Myths (Back to Basics)

Posted in arrogance, attraction, charismatic, confidence, dating, Fear, inspirational, men, men's health, mentorship, nice guys, self development, women with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 16, 2012 by full1mpact

It has been quite some time since the last update on the blog here.  A lot has happened since then and now.  We put Full 1mpact in a brief hiatus in order to really focus on our future material, and the up and coming seminars we want to have.  Those of us who are familiar with the inner workings of Full 1mpact understood we needed to get back to basics.  What are the basics?

The basics are the core essential truths we believe that help us become more impactful in our own lives.  Truths that diffuse the myths we’ve been taught growing up.  Truths that help us define ourselves and one another and shed light on lies we once believed.  If I am allowed to say what I believe Full 1mpact is, I would say it is a launch pad for men to have a greater impact in their own lives, and to the lives around them.  Isn’t that what everyone wants?

On January 9th, 2013, Full 1mpact is opening its doors for the first time to the entire public.  This is also why we decided to get laser focused and refine our material for all of you.  We will be introducing to you, The Man Myths, which is a collective work of material that been put together to de-myth much of what we were raised to believe.  If you think back to what we’ve been taught all of our lives, since day one, then you understand that this is the basics.  Yet the basics are not so basic after all.

What if I told you everything you were taught to believe on masculinity can be summed up into three main categories?   And what if, of those three categories, only one of them truly holds the key to pure masculinity?  Was that something we were taught growing up?  Not to me it wasn’t.  And not to 95% of the men I interviewed prior to this study.  Neither were the men online who I researched in forums, in person, and in case-studies.  Basics.  We need to get back to basics.  To the core.

Why do we need to get back to the core of our beliefs or belief system?  What if I told you that whatever it is you believe filters everything you see, judge, and interpret?  Everything.  Now, what if what we, as men, were taught about masculinity, and being a “real man,” was a lie?  Or a half truth.  And that false belief now filters how we perceive everything around us. Can you begin to see where I’m heading with this?

When I was growing up I did not have a father to show me even a sliver of what a real man was about.  Or even a theory of what that might look like.  I was blasted with what my peers believed was masculine, the media’s ideas, and tried to match that with my tiny physique that was the stereotypical weakling.  With no guidance I had no choice but to accept the norms.  Later through a lot of pain I would be forced to map it out myself.  Sound familiar?  This is what most guys do not talk about.  We hide our ignorance because we’re unsure, and we like to appear certain.  But guess what?  We have some keys that will help.  Now you can be certain!

On January 9th, 2013, at 7pm, Full 1mpact will be meeting at the Pasadena Library Auditorium for a free seminar that de-myths much of what we were taught growing up.  And we will show you how to overcome old beliefs, and how to recognize them.  We will also show you how this can be good or bad for your friendships, relationships, and ability to attract a woman or keep a woman.

Hope to see you there.

 

William M. Jeffries

What Is A Money Map?

Posted in inspirational, men, mentorship, self development, Steve Siebold, T Harv Eker with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2012 by full1mpact

      When you hear the word “rich,” or “wealth,”  what comes to you mind?  What do you think of?  How about this, when you think of someone who is rich, what comes to mind?  Is it negative?  Do you feel a positive feeling or negative feeling?  And with money, is it positive or negative?  Did you know your feelings on money can have a drastic effect on your income based on the choices you make while having those feelings?  It’s true.  But let us break it down to you a little bit rather than making a simple statement without some sort of backing on this claim.

      So what does any of this have to do with a “money map,” and what exactly is a “money map?”  I’m going to blatantly copy T. Harv Eker’s theory here, on what he called your “Financial Blueprint.”  Like a house has a blueprint in which it’s foundations lie, and you need a roadmap, (Or GPS now days.)to get anywhere, inside of you is a map of your money.  What’choo talk’n ’bout Willis???  In essence, subconsciously each of us carries a truth on how we perceive money and the ability to achieve money or what we consider success.  And we follow it.  To a tee.

      Let me explain this further.  In doing so let us start with the very basics of human behavior.  I did a handful of human behavior papers myself in school, and learned that the first seven years of your life are extraordinarily influential in your core beliefs and behaviors.  You don’t have to look far to find articles from various Universities on child development to find that statement backed up.  The core is molded by the family situation, parents, teachers, popular thoughts and ideas.

      Based on that mold you then adopt “truths” in which your walk in life is formed.  For the most part.  Later, as you develop further, many beliefs are rebutted, enforced, or supported.  Usually enforced and supported.  Good or bad.  They could be truths as simple as, “People like to talk to me,” or “All women lie,” and once it has been confirmed your subconscious works overtime to promote the belief structure.

      On a side note, it is important to separate the idea of truth from fact.  Truths are not facts.  They are beliefs.  Many are based around facts, but are merely perceptions of perceived facts.  Confused yet?  This was a hard nugget to swallow when I first discovered this.  Truth and facts are different.  A fact can be a math equation.  The laws of gravity.  You drop a pencil it falls to the floor.  The fact is, it fell to the floor.  The truth is your perception of how it fell as opposed to your friend who saw it fall from the other side of the same room.  You both saw it fall, but you both may have seen it a bit differently.  Or a lot differently depending on the circumstance.  Make sense?

      Again, what does this have to do with this “Money Map” idea?  In T. Harv Eker’s book, “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind,” he says, “Children do not come out of the womb thinking, ‘I’m a millionaire,’ or ‘I’m poor,’ they are taught this.”  You are taught your belief on income.  Think about any negative statements about money growing up and if it has had an effect on how you see yourself making money.

      Let me lend a few from my own life.  Money doesn’t grow on trees.   I can’t afford this or that.  Must be nice to be rich because I’m poor.  Rich people are stingy and greedy.  The list goes on.  There is certainly a segregation of wealth class but much has to do with what we are taught.

      During my studies in human behavior we had an equation similar to the one T. Harv Eker has in this book.  It goes like this.  Thoughts create feeling in which, for the most part, we create actions.  Those actions create our results.  Within those lines are the variables of programming we’ve learned over the years.  It is within that equation your money map is made.  Do you feel there is never enough?  Do you feel you will always struggle?  Where were you taught that?  And who’s truth was it?  Interesting how often people project their perceived truths onto others as though it were a fact. 

      When I first learned this, I began to unlearn many false beliefs about money, income, and wealth in my life.  My map began to change.  My outdated GPS needed upgraded to new roads.  Now I am constantly working with it for my desired outcomes.  I can tell you testimony after testimony of people who this has worked for.  Did it come easily?  No.  It had to be worked through.  As I began to improve myself in many arenas in my life, this was one of those arenas.  And like any arena you must compete in it.  Or fight.  Or die. 

      Part 2 will be in a few weeks where we talk about ways to improve your current financial situation?  Will it be easy?  That’s up to us as the individual.  But I hope you stay tuned in.  I understand money can be a very controversial topic loaded with emotions.  There is reason why money is the number one cause of divorce in America today.  Stay tuned and in the time in-between please check out a few books at your leisure.  “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind,” by T. Harv Eker.  “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill.  “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace Wattles.  All great insight to your money map.  — William M. Jeffries